I wouldn't intentionally hurt anyone in this whole world. I wouldn't hurt them physically or emotionally, how then can people so consistently do it to me? Even my parents treat me like I'm stupid and inferior and ever short. I guess I'll never measure up to anyone's expectations. I surely don't measure up to what I'd like to be.

Beatrice Sparks

Categorized in : People Hurt Stupid

Why is life so difficult? Why can't we be just ourselves and have everyone accept us the way we are?

Beatrice Sparks

difficult accepting way

They have accepted me as an individual, as a personality, as an entity. I belong! I am important! I am somebody!

Beatrice Sparks

individual important personality

I'm partly somebody else trying to fit in and say the right things and do the right thing and be in the right place and wear what everybody else is wearing. Sometimes I think we're all trying to be shadows of each other, trying to buy the same records and everything even if we don't like them. Kids are like robots, off an assembly line, and I don't want to be a robot!

Beatrice Sparks

shadow kids thinking

How is it possible for me to be so miserable and embarrassed and humiliated and beaten an function still talk and smile and concentrate?

Beatrice Sparks

embarrassed function miserable

My biggest mistake: not wanting to help myself into thinking I am happy, that change would come about without really trying to change, or wanting to change. Procrastinating about changing. I do want to change.

Beatrice Sparks

mistake trying thinking

They don’t think “I care,” “I hurt,” or “I have feelings.” It just seems like I’m always “wrong,” always “selfish,” always “self-centered” and everything else that’s negative and destructive.

Beatrice Sparks

selfish hurt thinking

Alone. The saddest word in the world.

Beatrice Sparks

saddest world

The voice of every kid hooked on drugs, alcohol or the occult joins the sad chorus "Not me! I didn't think it could ever happen to me. I was sure I could handle it.

Beatrice Sparks

voice kids thinking

I’ve got to sleep. Sleep is my only way to escape.

Beatrice Sparks

sleep way

This morning when I left Mom's parting words were, "Come straight home after school." Wow! Like I'm going to get stoned at 3:30—it doesn't sound so bad at that.

Beatrice Sparks

mom home morning

I'm afraid to live and afraid to die.

Beatrice Sparks

dies

I can't believe that I changed so little. I expected to look old and hollow and gray, but I guess it's only me on the inside that has shriveled and deteriorated.

Beatrice Sparks

littles believe looks

She didn't know whether she was running away from something or running to something, but she admitted that deep in her heart she wanted to go home.

Beatrice Sparks

home heart running

I would like to stay stoned all the time, it scares me it’s so good. I would like to stay stoned every minute of every day for the rest of my life.

Beatrice Sparks

scare minutes

I’m really cracking. No, I’m beyond cracking. I’m shattered. I’m lost. I’m fragmented.

Beatrice Sparks

fragmented shattered lost

The complete bottom has fallen out of my life.

Beatrice Sparks

bottom fallen

The same old dumb teachers teaching the same old dumb subjects in the same old dumb school. I seem to be kind of losing interest in everything. At first I thought high school would be fun but it's just dull. Everything's dull. Maybe it's because I'm growing up and life is becoming more blase.

Beatrice Sparks

growing-up fun teacher

Maybe the new me will be different.

Beatrice Sparks

new-me different

I'm not really sure which parts of myself are real and which parts are things I've gotten from books.

Beatrice Sparks

real book

It's a good thing most people bleed on the inside or this would be a gory, blood-smeared earth.

Beatrice Sparks

life blood people