If you can find him, then he can find you. If he wants to find you, he will. Greg Behrendt More Quotes by Greg Behrendt More Quotes From Greg Behrendt A man would rather be trampled by elephants on fire than tell you he's just not that into you. Greg Behrendt elephantsfiremen Don't idolize anyone if you can. You know, be inspired by people, certainly, but don't idolize people... Because they'll let you down. Greg Behrendt inspiredinspirationpeople I'm just not interested in daytime television, which is something you should remember the next time somebody offers you a daytime talk show. Greg Behrendt nextremembertelevision If he's choosing not to make a simple effort that would put you at ease and bring harmony to a recurring fight, then he doesn't respect your feelings and needs. Greg Behrendt effortfightingsimple Remember always what you set out to get, and please don’t settle for less. Greg Behrendt settlingpleaseremember If we're friends with someone and attracted to them, we're going to want to take it further. Greg Behrendt ifswant ...you are defined by how you live your life, not whom you live it with, and certainly not by what you gave up to be with that person. Greg Behrendt gave-uplive-your-lifepersons The pain of being in a bad relationship is confusing. When it's over - it's over. No more confusion! Greg Behrendt bad-relationshippainconfusion The time it takes to feel better about a breakup is directly proportional to the time it takes to feel better about yourself. Greg Behrendt about-yourselffeel-betterbreakup Can you deep fry the bacon? Oh how I wish you would. Greg Behrendt i-wish-you-wouldwish-youwish I always say that I love magic but I hate magicians. I like being fooled. If you wave your hands in front of my face and I think you're doing a trick, I'm easily impressed. If you pull a quarter out of my ear, I'm quite certain you're a wizard. But I don't like the way most magicians don't act like they're magical; they act like show business dicks. Greg Behrendt hatehandsthinking I love to eat. That's why I got so fat; I love to eat. If I don't walk away from a meal hurting, I didn't do it right. If I don't walk away from Thanksgiving dinner feeling like I've been turkey-f**ked in a gingerbread prison, I didn't do it right. Greg Behrendt funny-thanksgivingturkeyshurt Drinking, eating, shopping, revenge, rebound sex, drugs or whatever your poison may be will number the pain - but that's all. Greg Behrendt painrevengesex I believe in love in hindsight, meaning attraction and connection can be remembered as love at first sight. But how could you possibly know at first sight? That's too much pressure to put on a relationship. Greg Behrendt connectionssightbelieve Uncool is a cool resting place. The pressure's off me. Greg Behrendt uncoolpressure Try not to be four years into a relationship when it suddenly dawns on you that the guy you're with is a big, selfish jerk. Greg Behrendt selfishguyyears I'm fascinated with human relationships. I advocate the relationship you have with yourself. Greg Behrendt human-relationsfascinatedhumans Part of being a comedian is that it's your job to look at life and regurgitate it in a funny way, to point out its absurdities. Greg Behrendt comedianjobslooks Young people are gross with their faces and their hope. Greg Behrendt youngfacespeople I'm certain prison is pretty rough as it is but imagine if you were a murderer and a foodie! Greg Behrendt imaginecertainprison
