If you're injecting fear into other people, then you're trying to kill their minds. You're trying to get them to stop thinking. Stephen Colbert More Quotes by Stephen Colbert More Quotes From Stephen Colbert It would be a very short pint. It would be gummy bears and matzah, and be called Chewy Jewy. Stephen Colbert gummies would-be bears Don't be bitter. Everybody suffers. If you can accept your suffering then you will understand other people better. Be grateful for pain. Love life. Stephen Colbert love-life grateful pain Facebook stock continues to plummet. People started selling once they found out their mom bought it too. Stephen Colbert selling mom people The Yankees' Facebook page was hacked. The hacker was immediately purchased and signed to a 5 year contract with the Yankees. Stephen Colbert yankees pages years Of the over 100,000 wildfires that happen in the U.S. each year, not a single one would get started without the fire triangle: Oxygen, heat and fuel. Fire needs all three to exist. It's like the three branches of our government: Legislative, judicial and executive. The fewer there are, the safer we are. Stephen Colbert oxygen government fire I didn't realize quite how liberal I was until I was asked to make passionate comedic choices as opposed to necessarily successful comedic choices. Stephen Colbert passionate choices successful When my car runs out of gas, I buy a new one. I don't want to ride around with a quitter. Stephen Colbert car want running A new study shows that having a severe phobia can hasten aging. But what if my greatest fear IS aging?!? Stephen Colbert aging what-if greatest-fear Here's how it works: the president makes decisions. He's the decider. The press secretary announces those decisions, and you people of the press type those decisions down. Make, announce, type. Just put 'em through a spell check and go home. The greatest thing about this man is he's steady. You know where he stands. He believes the same thing Wednesday that he believed on Monday, no matter what happened Tuesday. Events can change; this man's beliefs never will. Stephen Colbert monday home believe Join me in standing up against any actual knowledge about guns. Let the CDC know they can take away our ignorance when the pry it from our cold dead minds. Stephen Colbert gun ignorance mind I guess 14% plus Jesus equals victory Stephen Colbert plus victory jesus (on fox news).... it's like watching a Disney movie about the news. Stephen Colbert fox-news news foxes Here's an easy way to figure out if you're in a cult: If you're wondering whether you're in a cult, the answer is yes. Stephen Colbert answers wonder way But you are also the biggest threat of all ...You are a gay person I like. Your threat is that you make being gay seem non-threatening. It's almost as if your happiness does not take mine away. Stephen Colbert gay doe i-like-you I have two last pieces of advice. First, being pre-approved for a credit card does not mean you have to apply for it. And lastly, the best career advice I can give you is to get your own TV show. It pays well, the hours are good, and you are famous. And eventually some very nice people will give you a doctorate in fine arts for doing jack squat. Stephen Colbert nice mean art I teach Sunday school, motherf*****. Stephen Colbert teach sunday school I am no fan of books. And chances are, if you're reading this, you and I share a healthy skepticism about the printed word. Well, I want you to know that this is the first book I've ever written, and I hope it's the first book you've ever read. Don't make a habit of it. Stephen Colbert printed-word reading book TV's Tony Snow becomes the White House press secretary. How will he make the difficult transition from Fox News reporter to Republican apologist? ... Mr. President, it is time to hire the folks who've never let you down. Limbaugh at Health and Human Services. Hannity at State. Then give Rummy the Medal of Freedom and install Bill O'Reilly as secretary of defense. Only problem, you might find yourself invading Vermont. And I'll replace Chertoff at Homeland Security. The man's done nothing to control the bear population. Stephen Colbert white giving men It's time for me to give out an award to newly elected Majority Leader John Boehner. Mr. Boehner was elected just a few days ago to reform House Republicans, who are feeling the heat from lobbyist scandals. Well, CNN found out that he rents his two-bedroom apartment from a lobbyist who had clients who had interests in legislation that Boehner sponsored. And for that, Mr. Boehner, you've just won a pair of Stephen Colbert's big brass balls. Stephen Colbert cnn awards two Like O'Rielly, we'll grab the most important word of each sentence... 'The' for example. Also, I'll say, 'I'm angry,' and the graphic will read, 'Colbert angry. Stephen Colbert graphic important example
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