If you want to see what I'll look like as an old guy, check out any recent photo of me. Dana Gould More Quotes by Dana Gould More Quotes From Dana Gould Corn is the only food you hold like corn. Dana Gould corn I don't want to say my mom is late on trends, but this morning she said, Have a shagadelic day, sweetheart. Dana Gould trendsmommorning I used to fear living a life untouched by God, but now, for some reason I've gone back to being afraid of cement mixers. Dana Gould usedgonereason It's nice to live in a country that has its priorities straight: the library's open three hours a week, and the House of Fist is 24/7. Dana Gould nicehousecountry My dogs love me. Of course, by love I mean poop and by me I mean everywhere. Dana Gould poopdogmean Want to be happy? Don't live competitively. Be content who you are. Live at peace with yourself and the losers below you. Dana Gould want-to-be-happyloserwant Whoever coined the phrase, killing two birds with one stone, not only hated birds but also thought we needed to conserve stones. Dana Gould stonesbirdtwo My fantasy football team got mixed up in another fantasy and now they're stuck on a pirate ship with a chick in a Catwoman suit. Dana Gould pirateteamfootball If there's one thing worse than being really angry for no reason, it's suddenly remembering the reason. Dana Gould being-realreasonremember I feel sorry for high school teams still named the Cougars. Now what does the coach say? Get out there and play like horny old ladies! Dana Gould teamsorryschool Dogs: the best friend you will ever have that pees on your couch and stays your friend. Dana Gould couchesdog Cupcakes - when you want to watch your weight, but still feel the pride that comes with eating an entire cake. Dana Gould cupcakespridewatches Homo sapiens are the only mammals who intentionally hold Beard Of Bees competitions. Dana Gould mammalsbeardcompetition Having kids means there's always someone around to blame your fart on. Dana Gould blamemeankids The hard part about living in the present is it forces you to abandon hope for the future. Thanks for nothing, now. Dana Gould live-in-the-presentthanksforce I bet when all the punctuation marks have a party, they quietly look at exclamation point's wife and think, that poor woman. Dana Gould exclamation-pointspartythinking If studies on lab rats are any indication, human beings have a deep-seated fear of a big, scary cat being let into their cage. Dana Gould cagescatscary I'm going to live until I die, and everything in between is just another excuse to eat peanut butter. Dana Gould peanutspeanut-butterexcuse I try to look on the bright side, but it really hurts my eyes. Dana Gould eyehurttrying The simple act of smiling at people makes the world a better place. Unless it's the day you decide to walk around with your dong out. Dana Gould simplepeopleworld
