In case you hadn't heard, I'm winning the human race.

Tom Zegan

I have a For Sale sign on my car so if I forget where I parked my car I just wait for someone to call me and I ask them where my car is at.

I heard of a guy who had a heart attack and died when he realized that he had just won the Lottery! What are the odds of that?

I just finished my first book . . . I enjoyed it so much I'm thinking about reading another one.

I just realized that Disneyland was the first human maze run by a mouse.

I love my kids to death . . . so far it's not working.

I made my money the old fashioned way . . . I robbed a bank.

I might not be a Nobel Peace Prize winner but I know that the opposite of love is not indifference, it's hate. Indifference would be the fulcrum (center point) between love and hate. To think otherwise is ludicrous.

I once had a memory pillow, but I forgot where I put it!

I owned a mountain cabin once that had hot and cold running water . . . hot in the summer and cold in the winter.

I remember when I was young I had a real bad identity crisis. So one day I went to my father and I asked him "Wo Chong, was I adopted?".

I think it's funny how some people can think about eternity but the same people think that the earth is only 6,000 years old.

I think that a women has the right to kill her unborn child just as much as that child has a right to kill their mother after they are born.

I told my wife that a husband is like a fine wine; he gets better with age. The next day, she locked me in the cellar.

I use to play the saxophone before I was married but my fiancee didn't like the fact that I was performing Premarital Sax!

I use to think that the moon was made out of cheese . . and I don't even like cheese.

I went to the Hollywood Bowl last night . . . I bowled a 126.

I'd be a Vegetarian if I didn't have to give up eating meat.

I'm better than I was before I got as bad as I am now.

I'm sick and tired of being sick and tired.

I'm thinking of a number between One and Infinity.