It's remarkable how many couples can precisely describe their particular pattern of painful fighting, and claim to be helpless to change it. Harriet Lerner More Quotes by Harriet Lerner More Quotes From Harriet Lerner Anxiety is extremely contagious, but so is calm. Harriet Lerner contagious calm anxiety The rush of sexual attraction can act like a drug and blur our capacity for clear thinking. This can lead us to distance ourselves from our friends or even abandon our life plan for someone who couldn't otherwise be relied on to water our plants and feed our cat. Harriet Lerner distance cat thinking Love alone is never a good enough reason to marry. Harriet Lerner good-enough enough reason The bolder and more courageous you are, the more you will learn about yourself. Harriet Lerner courageous about-yourself Silence can pose a greater threat than the difficult truth. Harriet Lerner threat difficult silence We need to hear the sound of our voice for what we think and need. Harriet Lerner voice sound thinking Feeling inadequate is an occupational hazard of motherhood. Harriet Lerner hazards motherhood feelings Anger is a signal, and one worth listening to. Harriet Lerner anger-management anger listening It's a cliché, but also a deep truth (as cliché's tend to be), that you can't love another person very well if you don't love yourself. Harriet Lerner wells persons love-you We'll always be disappointed if we believe that we can plan for a peak experience and make it happen. True joy can't be anticipated or planned. It just strikes. Harriet Lerner true-joy personal-growth believe Many of our problems with anger occur when we choose between having a relationship and having a self. Harriet Lerner anger problem self When you can't see yourself objectively, you won't see anyone else objectively, either. Harriet Lerner Feeling essentially superior to other people is as sure a sign of poor self-esteem as feeling essentially inferior. Harriet Lerner self-esteem feelings people Every time I open Facebook, I see a post with something like, "We must forgive or be prisoners of our own bitterness and hate." People think that forgiveness is all-or-nothing, but this myth hurts people. You can forgive 10, 97, or 14 percent. Forgiveness is complicated. Harriet Lerner hate hurt thinking I'd say that while it's normal to long for an apology, if you really need it, you're not ready to speak to whoever harmed you. Non-apologizers tend to walk on a tightrope of defensiveness above a huge canyon of low self-esteem - they just can't listen to anything that's going to set them off balance. So focus on what you say for your own sake, because you need to hear your own voice telling the truth. Harriet Lerner apology focus long Your children are not little mirrors reflecting back the good or bad job you've done. Harriet Lerner reflecting-back jobs children The best apology, I think, was from my husband, Steve, who slept with a close friend of mine decades back, when we were committed to being life partners but not yet married. And many of the factors that made Steve's apology so healing are universal. One important thing is that he confessed to the affair, rather than my discovering it. He looked deeply into his own history in terms of why this happened, but he never used that history as an excuse. Harriet Lerner apology husband healing Intimate relationships cannot substitute for a life plan. But to have any meaning or viability at all, a life plan must include intimate relationships. Harriet Lerner success love relationship People marry with a deep longing that their partner will tend to their wounds, not throw salt in them. Honor your partner's vulnerability. Harriet Lerner salt honor people Although the connections are not always obvious, personal change is inseparable from social and political change. Harriet Lerner connections growth political
