It seems to be a law in American life that whatever enriches us anywhere except in the wallet inevitably becomes uneconomic. Russell Baker More Quotes by Russell Baker More Quotes From Russell Baker There is no business like show business, Irving Berlin once proclaimed, and thirty years ago he may have been right, but not anymore. Nowadays almost every business is like show business, including politics, which has become more like show business than show business is. Russell Baker berlin may years Most English speakers do not have the writer's short fuse about seeing or hearing their language brutalized. This is the main reason, I suspect, that English is becoming the world's universal tongue: English-speaking natives don't care how badly others speak English as long as they speak it. French, once considered likely to become the world's lingua franca, has lost popularity because those who are born speaking it reject this liberal attitude and become depressed, insulted or insufferable when their language is ill used. Russell Baker speak-english attitude long There are no liberals behind steering wheels. Russell Baker steering wheels behinds How many more years will our educators continue to lecture us on the evils of whipping children until they bring home high grades? Year after year we listen to these fellows tell us that it is not the grade that counts but the development of the child's personality. After the lecture they go back to all the best schools and reject our children because they have C averages. Russell Baker education home children The sinister nature of the American soil is apparent in places like Gettysburg. Fertilize it with the blood of heros, and it brings forth a frozen-custard stand. Russell Baker hero war peace Now scarcely a week goes by without a news story about the cops swooping down on some adolescent prowler who is as skilled at breaking into computer systems as defense contractors are at breaking into the Federal budget. Russell Baker news-stories modern-life defense A $10 million windfall? At today's prices, I'd feel almost as rich as I did one day in 1936 when I found a dime on the sidewalk and blew the whole wad on 20 Mary Jane candy bars, a box of jujubes, and a double feature. Russell Baker dimes bars one-day Skinny women don't enjoy being told they're skinny nowadays. They enjoy telling you how they got that way, as though starvation were an achievement. Russell Baker achievement sex way Watergate left Washington a city ravaged by honesty. Russell Baker watergate honesty cities Urban people, of course, are terribly scared nowadays. They may yearn for society, but it is risky to go around talking to strangers, for a lot of reasons, one being that people are so accustomed not to have many human contacts that they are afraid they may find out they really prefer life that way. Russell Baker may talking people Long words, fat talk they may tell us something about ourselves. Has the passion for fat in the language increased as self-confidence has waned? Russell Baker self-confidence passion long Reality is the only obstacle to happiness. Russell Baker obstacles reality Americans treat history like a cookbook. Whenever they are uncertain what to do next, they turn to history and look up the proper recipe, invariably designated "the lesson of history. Russell Baker lessons recipes looks I worry about people who get born nowadays, because they get born into such tiny families--sometimes into no family at all. When you're the only pea in the pod, your parents are likely to get you confused with the Hope Diamond. And that encourages you to talk too much. Russell Baker confused family children A person whose job is deep thinking about atomic war would no more call a 'megadeath' a 'million corpses' than an embalmer would refer to a 'loved one' as a 'stiff.' Russell Baker jobs war thinking Research is a scientific activity dedicated to discovering what makes grass green. Russell Baker green research grass The young cult of sociology, needing a language, invented one. There are many dead languages, but the sociologists' is the only language that was dead at birth. Russell Baker birth sociology language While it is very sturdy of comfortable men to point out that life is unfair, the people it is unfair to are not apt to be morally or philosophically elevated by the announcement. If you are going to preach that unfairness is inescapable for some, good sense suggests that you also accept the inevitability of beastly behavior by people who have to carry the burden. Russell Baker life-is men people Inanimate objects can be classified scientifically into three major categories: those that don't work, those that break down and those that get lost. The goal of all inanimate objects is to resist man and ultimately to defeat him, and the three major classifications are based on the method each object uses to achieve its purpose. As a general rule, any object capable of breaking down at the moment when it is most needed will do so. Russell Baker inanimate-objects goal men It is safest to shut up and pay, which is what I shall eventually do, though I shall hate having to sell the children. Russell Baker hate pay children
