Knock-knock, motherfucker. Jenny Lawson More Quotes by Jenny Lawson More Quotes From Jenny Lawson Meanwhile, I was doodling pictures of vampiric cougars. Jenny Lawson doodling cougars It's true, I did say I wanted girlfriends," I capitulated hesitantly, "but couldn't we start with something smaller and less terrifying? Like maybe spend a weekend at a crack house? I heard those people are very nonjudgmental, and if you accidentally say something offensive you can just blame it on their hallucinations. Jenny Lawson weekend girlfriend people ...and whenever I had menstral cramps, I could just pretend that Voldemort was close. Jenny Lawson cramps If you could hear the insane stuff going on in my head, it would scare the hell out of you. Probably. Or fascinate you. Depends on how easily you're startled, I guess. Jenny Lawson scare insane stuff In fact almost everyone in my yearbook wrote the same thing to me: "To weird girl, you're nice." I didn't think it was bad. When I showed my mother she said, "Everyone is different." Being weird became my tool. I'm weird; that's who I am. It was my coping badge. Jenny Lawson nice girl mother Even at age 10, I already knew that I was different from most people. My anxiety disorder was still years from being diagnosed, but it affected me quite deeply. I was too afraid to speak out in class, too nervous to make real friends. Jenny Lawson anxiety-disorder speaks-out real Writing is my therapy. In addition to my real therapy. God knows where I'd be without it. I'd probably still be at my last job, working in HR at a religious organization. I was horribly miscast. Jenny Lawson real religious jobs When Hailey was born my first thought was that I needed a drink and that hospitals should have bars in them. Jenny Lawson bars should-have firsts A friend is someone who knows where all your bodies are buried. Because they're the ones who helped you put them there." And sometimes, if you're really lucky, they help you dig them back up. Jenny Lawson lucky body helping I can finally see that all the terrible parts of my life, the embarrassing parts, the incidents I wanted to pretend never happened, and the things that make me "weird" and "different," were actually the most important parts of my life. They were the parts that made me ME. Jenny Lawson embarrassing different important It's funny because the most sane women I've ever met are my mom and my grandmothers. I think you have to be incredibly sane and self-aware to function in relatively insane environments. Jenny Lawson grandmother mom thinking One ox, two oxen. One fox, two foxen. Jenny Lawson oxen foxes two I'm pretty sure 'ferral cats' is code for 'vampire cougars. Jenny Lawson cougars vampire cat A hug is like a strangle you haven't finished yet. Jenny Lawson affection hug havens Then I yelled through his door, "It's an anniversary gift for you, asshole. Two whole weeks early. FIFTEEN YEARS IS BIG METAL CHICKENS. Jenny Lawson doors two years That night I looked up at those same stars, but I didn't want any of those things. I didn't want Egypt, or France, or far-flung destinations. I just wanted to go back to my life from my childhood, just to visit it, and touch it, and to convince myself that yes, it had been real. Jenny Lawson stars real night Dissension is healthy, even when it gets loud. Jenny Lawson dissension loud healthy It's interesting with my blog, because it feels to me less like a blog and more like a forum, because my readers are so funny and leave hysterical comments. And I'm not being humble when I say that very often, the comments are so much better than the post originally was. Jenny Lawson hysterical humble interesting People assume that because I'm a girl and my blog is hot pink that my readership is 90% women, but it's not. It's probably only about 65%. When I do tours, it's pretty much the same thing: it's about one-third guys. Jenny Lawson guy girl people ...you are defined not by life's imperfect moments, but by your reaction to them. Jenny Lawson reactions imperfect moments
