Modern love is the enterprise that everyone wants to be a part of, yet there's a fifty percent divorce rate in round one and a sixty-five percent divorce rate in round two. Esther Perel More Quotes by Esther Perel More Quotes From Esther Perel The very ingredients that nurture love - mutuality, reciprocity, protection, worry, responsibility for the other - are sometimes the very ingredients that stifle desire. Esther Perel motivation inspiration responsibility At the same time, eroticism in the home requires active engagement and willful intent. It is an ongoing resistance to the message that marriage is serious, more work than play; and that passion is for teenagers and the immature. We must unpack our ambivalence about pleasure, and challenge our pervasive discomfort with sexuality, particularly in the context of family. Complaining of sexual boredom is easy and conventional. Nurturing eroticism in the home is an act of open defience. Esther Perel teenager passion home The attraction of dating is that you don't take yes for granted - - you're fully engaged, there's seductiveness, tension. Esther Perel tension dating granted On some level we trade passion for security, that's trading one illusion for another. It's a matter of degree. We can't live in constant fear, but we can't live without any. The fear of loss is essential to love. Esther Perel passion essentials loss There's something very full in knowing that your partner accepts you as is. Esther Perel partners accepting knowing The mom doesn't become sexy; the woman does. You have to retrieve the woman from the mother. And she may need to separate to do that: a bath, a walk. She must cordon off an erotic space. Esther Perel sexy mom mother Affairs can be powerful detonators. They can invigorate a marriage that's flat, jolt people out of years of complacency. Fear of loss rekindles desire, makes people have conversations they haven't had in years, takes them out of their contrived illusion of safety. Esther Perel powerful loss years Sometimes it has to do with other longings that are much more existential. Sometimes you go elsewhere not because you are not liking the one you are with; you are not liking the person you have become. Esther Perel longing existential sometimes Most of us will get turned on at night by the very same things that we will demonstrate against during the day - the erotic mind is not very politically correct. Esther Perel motivation inspiration night It isn’t so much that we want to leave the person we are with as we want to leave the person we have become. Esther Perel persons want Success, to me, is helping one person or many people counter the isolation and pseudoconnectivity of our lives by boosting their ability to connect to themselves and to others. Esther Perel isolation helping people You never know your partner as well as you think. Esther Perel wells partners thinking The secret to desire in a long-term relationship Esther Perel secret desire long In dating, if you say no, your lover goes on to the next person. In marriage, if you say no, the person stays. Esther Perel dating next goes-on Romantics value intensity over stability. Realists value security over passion. But both are often disappointed, for few people can live happily at either extreme. Esther Perel realist passion people You know what happens to sex in marriage? Instead of inviting desire, you monitor it. Especially men: You let her sleep late, you take the kids to the park, and all that time you're thinking, "Tonight I'll get some." That doesn't work. Esther Perel sleep kids sex Our partner's sexuality does not belong to us. It isn't just for and about us, and we should not assume that it rightfully falls within our jurisdiction. Esther Perel assuming doe fall We are afraid that our adult sexuality will somehow damage our kids, that it’s inappropriate or dangerous. But whom are we protecting? Children who see their primary caregivers at ease expressing their affection (discreetly, within appropriate boundaries) are more likely to embrace sexuality with the healthy combination of respect, responsibility, and curiosity it deserves. By censoring our sexuality, curbing our desires, or renouncing them altogether, we hand our inhibitions intact to the next generation. Esther Perel responsibility kids children For most couples who come to me - especially in the aftermath of the revelation of an affair, when they are in a state of crisis and fear the loss of a predictable future - they start to have conversations for the first time about love, sex, monogamy, and marriage. Most couples don't negotiate or don't even converse about any of these things until the crisis of the affair has actually forced them to. Why does it take infidelity to get us talking about the stuff that should be there from the start? Esther Perel infidelity couple loss Acceptance doesn't mean predictability. Sex isn't always for 11 at night - - it's also 'meet at a hotel room at noon'. What you feel during dating can exist at home, if you don't suffocate it. Esther Perel home mean sex
