My character is self-important, poorly informed, well-intentioned but an idiot. So we said, `Let's give him a promotion.' Stephen Colbert More Quotes by Stephen Colbert More Quotes From Stephen Colbert Laughter brings the swelling down on our national psyche. Stephen Colbert swellinglaughterinspirational Last night was Super Tuesday - a 10-state GOP Primary orgy. A big, sweaty pile of lever-yankin Republican voters. And like most orgies, it involves a bunch of middle aged guys who are not appealing to women. Stephen Colbert guytuesdaynight I'm livin' high on the hog, and let me tell you, hogs make a terrible foundation. Stephen Colbert foundationlet-meterrible Liberals want to burn the flag, but progressives just want to microwave it? Stephen Colbert microwavesflagswant Take the platypus - that is not a finished product. It is clearly still in beta. Stephen Colbert platypusbetastills No one has any idea what's going to happen. Not even Elon Musk. That's why he's building those rockets. He wants a 'Plan B' on another world. Stephen Colbert wantworldideas I don't get why the government is the only one that gets to print money. Stephen Colbert printgovernment I'm impervious to logic. Stephen Colbert imperviouslogic I'm not a truthiness fanatic, I'm truthiness's father. Stephen Colbert fanaticsfather There's a wonderfully cooperative relationship between management and labor right now. Much like the historic partnership between oranges and a juicer. Stephen Colbert orangehistoricmanagement Sorry to disappoint the liberals who tuned in tonight to gloat about Obama's lead in every poll, but I am not worried. McCain may be behind, but the man is a fighter. He doesn't know the meaning of the word 'quit.' He used to, but it was stored in the same part of his brain that remembered to vet his running mate. Stephen Colbert sorryrunningmen Who's Britannica to tell me that the Panama Canal was built in 1914? If I want to say that it was built in 1941, that's my right as an American. Stephen Colbert panama-canalcanalswant Nothing is more vintage than dying of Rubella. Stephen Colbert vintagedying If someone spreads hate then they're not your religious leader. Stephen Colbert hateleaderreligious Speak from the balls, not from the diaphram. Stephen Colbert ballscommunicationspeak I'll make fun of anybody. We're all about falling down and going boom on camera. Stephen Colbert camerasfunfall Remember, you cannot be both young and wise. Young people who pretend to be wise to the ways of the world are mostly just cynics. Stephen Colbert wiseremembers-youremember-you You can change the world. Please don't do that, OK? Some of us like the way things are going now. Stephen Colbert changewayworld I am down with the latest trends. And everyone knows, the thing on the streets is vampires. So I have been biting people on the neck. Stephen Colbert vampiretrendspeople If I thought I knew what was going to happen, it wouldn't be worth doing. The challenge is how joyfully, with what sense of fun and adventure and playfulness, we will greet it. We don't have to look for what the next thing will be. If experience is any judge, it'll come flowing toward us like a river. Stephen Colbert riversfunadventure
