My chronic feelings of emptiness and boredom came from the fact that I was living a life based on my incapacities, which were numerous. Susanna Kaysen More Quotes by Susanna Kaysen More Quotes From Susanna Kaysen I think many people kill themselves simply to stop the debate about whether they will or they won't. Susanna Kaysen sad suicide thinking The world didn't stop because we weren't in it anymore. Susanna Kaysen world It's one of the reasons I became a writer, to be able to smoke in peace. Susanna Kaysen smoke able reason When I was supposed to be awake, I was asleep. When I was supposed to sleep, I was silent. When a pleasure offered itself to me, I avoided it. Susanna Kaysen silent pleasure sleep Mental illness seems to be a communication problem between interpreters one and two. Susanna Kaysen communication problem two The debate was wearing me out. Once you've posed that question, it won't go away. I think many people kill themselves simply to stop the debate about whether they will or they won't. Anything I thought or did was immediately drawn into the debate. Made a stupid remark--why not kill myself? Missed the bus--better put an end to it all. Even the good got in there. I liked that movie--maybe I shouldn't kill myself. Susanna Kaysen stupid people thinking I noticed that some of my deadness was being replaced by an intense feeling about the Greek stories and the Bible stories. They were similar. There was something naked about these stories. Terrible things happened, and then some more terrible things. Susanna Kaysen naked greek feelings Don’t ask me those questions! Don’t ask me what life means or how we know reality or why we have to suffer so much. Don’t talk about how nothing feels real, how everything is coated with gelatin and shining like oil in the sun. I don’t want to hear about the tiger in the corner or the Angel of Death or the phone calls from John the Baptist. Susanna Kaysen angel real depression We say that Columbus discovered America and Newton discovered gravity, as though America and gravity weren't there until Columbus and Newton got wind of them. Susanna Kaysen girl-interrupted wind america In a strange way we were free. We'd reached the end of the line. We had nothing more to lose. Our privacy, our liberty, our dignity: all of this was gone and we were stripped down to the bare bones of our selves Susanna Kaysen liberty self gone With wild eyes that had seen freedom. Susanna Kaysen wild-eyes eye You could also "request" to be locked into the seclusion room. Not many people made that request. You had to "request" to get out too. A nurse would look through the chicken wire and decide if you were ready to come out. Somewhat like looking at a cake through the glass of the oven door. Susanna Kaysen cake glasses doors For many of us, the hospital was as much a refuge as it was a prison. Though we were cut off from the world and all the trouble we enjoyed stirring up out there, we were also cut off from the demands and expectations that had driven us crazy. What could be expected of us now that we were stowed away in a loony bin? Susanna Kaysen cutting crazy expectations When you’re sad you need to hear your sorrow structured into sound. Susanna Kaysen girl-interrupted sorrow sound Disease [is] as one of our languages. Doctors understand what disease has to say about itself. It's up to the person with the disease to understand what the disease has to say to her. Susanna Kaysen doctors disease language There is thought, and then there is thinking about thoughts, and they don't feel the same. Susanna Kaysen feels thinking When women are angry at men, they call them heartless. When men are angry at women, they call them crazy. Susanna Kaysen heartless crazy men My family had a lot of characteristics - achievements, ambitions, talents, expectations - that all seemed to be recessive in me. Susanna Kaysen achievement ambition expectations An observer can't tell if a person is silent and still because inner life has stalled or because inner life is transfixingly busy. Susanna Kaysen velocity busy life-is In the parallel universe the laws of physics are suspended. What goes up does not necessarily come down, a body at rest does not tend to stay at rest and not every action can be counted on to provoke an equal and opposite reaction. Time, 'too, is different. It may run in circles, flow backward, skip about from now to then. The very arrangement of molecules is fluid: Tables can be clocks, faces, flowers. Susanna Kaysen flower law running
