My dad's idea of a good time is to go to Sears and walk around. Jay Leno More Quotes by Jay Leno More Quotes From Jay Leno Last week convicted Enron crook Ken Lay died of a heart attack. They announced they were going to cremate him. Where he's going, why bother?. Jay Leno crooks lasts heart At Ken Lay's funeral service the minister compared him to Dr. Martin Luther King, Junior. The difference is Dr. King had a dream, Ken Lay had a scheme. Jay Leno differences kings dream Enron's president, Ken Lay, passed away last week. So, I guess even God lost money on that Enron deal. I believe the official cause of death was listed as "karma." The family asked in lieu of flowers, please send some elderly retiree's entire life savings. Jay Leno karma flower believe When they said "Make love, not war" at Woodstock, they never imagined that one would become as dangerous as the other. Jay Leno woodstock making-love war Now the Democrats control the Senate. But the good news is that now the Republicans can admit that Strom Thurmond has been dead since 1988. Jay Leno democrat news republican It's just a matter of time before we go into Iraq and get Saddam Hussein. I think just before Bush falls below 50 percent, that's when we'll be going. Jay Leno iraq fall thinking Hillary Clinton is getting a little bit of controversy because she has the most expensive hometown office rent - over $500,000 a year. She's in a one-year lease in the office, as opposed to her marriage, which is on a month-to-month. Jay Leno office months years Good news. President Bush is creating thousands of new jobs. Unfortunately, all of them are at the White House. Jay Leno creating white jobs Big news on CNN, a search has uncovered illegal biochemical agents, toxins and other dangerous substances. Not in Iraq, in Rush Limbaugh's medicine cabinet. Jay Leno cnn medicine iraq Iraq began destroying those missiles they don't have over the weekend. See, President Bush may be the smartest military president in history. First, he gets Iraq to destroy all of their own weapons. Then he declares war. Jay Leno weekend military war There was another war-related casualty today. The French were injured when they tried to jump on our bandwagon. Jay Leno casualties today war John Kerry speaks French fluently. Democrats are saying he's one in a million. A war hero who speaks French, isn't it more like one in a trillion? Jay Leno speaks-french hero war An Israeli man's life was saved when he was given a Palestinian man's heart in a heart transplant operation. The guy is doing fine, but the bad news is, he can't stop throwing rocks at himself. Jay Leno rocks heart men President Obama wants Congress to increase the minimum wage. Believe me, when it comes to doing the minimum for their wage, Congress knows what it's talking about. Jay Leno president talking believe Several states are now looking into the possibility of taxing marijuana as a source of revenue. That is so typical of the government, isn't it? Trying to squeeze blood from a stoner. Jay Leno marijuana government blood They always say the Miss America Pageant isn't a beauty contest, it's really a scholarship program. If that's the case, why don't we just put all the contestants on 'Jeopardy!' and pick Miss America that way? At least you get the smartest one. Jay Leno missing america way I'm going to be going to a secluded spot where no one can find me - NBC prime time. Jay Leno nbc prime spots Anheuser-Busch gives two free cases of beer to its employees at all of its parks, like Busch Gardens. That's a comforting thought the next time you're getting ready to get on the roller coaster! Jay Leno garden beer two The Environmental Protection Agency is conducting a seven-hundred-thousand-dollar study to see if Alaskan trees are polluting Oregon forests. You can tell Republicans are in power. Pollution? It's those damn trees. Jay Leno oregon agency tree They were going crazy in Kansas. People were up to 9 p.m. I think that was the greatest thing to happen to Kansas since the eradication of the boll weevil. Jay Leno kansas crazy thinking
