My husband and I didn't sign a pre-nuptial agreement. We signed a mutual suicide pact. Roseanne Barr More Quotes by Roseanne Barr More Quotes From Roseanne Barr Here is my personal opinion about prostitution. If men knew how to do it, they wouldn't have to pay for it. Roseanne Barr personal-opinionspaymen I think I'm hysterical. I watch myself on tape and just roar - isn't that weird? Roseanne Barr tapewatchesthinking Don't call people names you dirty name caller you. Roseanne Barr namespeopledirty Who's elk horn do I have to blow in order to get something to eat around here? Roseanne Barr elkbloworder I think I should be here alone to rethink the world, I do. I want these lesser humans gone. Roseanne Barr goneworldthinking I am an observant Jew! Now my secret is out. Roseanne Barr observantjewsecret I’m not a politician. I think that uniquely qualifies me to become president of the U.S. Roseanne Barr politicianpresidentthinking I had one kid with the birth control pill, I had one with the diaphram and I had one with the I.U.D. I don't even know what happened with my I.U.D. It never came out. But I have my suspicions because that kid picks up HBO. Roseanne Barr pillshbokids US needs to fix up it's election system so that votes are fairly counted, and the Electoral College is removed. Roseanne Barr electioncollegeneeds I have a huge crush on President George W. Bush. I saw him at a recent fundraiser, and he`s a babe. He`s got that Ronald Reagan charm. I think he`s hot. I respect his wife, but if he wasn`t married I`d be putting on my cowboy boots and coming around. Roseanne Barr cowboycrushthinking I will outlaw bullshit. After the passage of this law the patriarchy will inevitably start to crumble as will the concept of war itself which is largely a large load of bullshit. Roseanne Barr bullshitlawwar As long as your abuser has you scared, you will stay in the cycle of abuse. Thinking of solutions helps you to escape. Roseanne Barr abuselongthinking I actually regard Facebook as a huge bore, but I cannot refrain from participating in it. I guess I crave the feeling of hope it gives me to think that today will be different from yesterday, that I will find an interesting comment or poke or video, and on the extremely rare occasion when that happens, I am just thrilled. Roseanne Barr yesterdaygivingthinking I always was a writer, but then I wanted to do stand-up because I thought that was a way that I could perform what I wrote. Roseanne Barr wantedway I like it when very little children think for themselves, because they do not have access to car keys or credit cards or crack pipes, but they have some really funny lines. Roseanne Barr keyschildrenthinking Any Hamas or Zionist type who tries to interfere with the labor unions and grab the money will be marched to the guillotines and subsequently beheaded. And isn't that easier and more productive than some endless, bloody conflict? So sayeth the gospel of common sense. Happy Mother's Day. Roseanne Barr common-sensemothertrying It's the Night of the Living Dead. It's scary out here. Roseanne Barr night-of-the-living-deadscarynight I had left home (like all Jewish girls) in order to eat pork and take birth control pills. When I first shared an intimate evening with my husband, I was swept away by the passion (so dormant inside myself) of a long and tortured existence. The physical cravings I had tried so hard to deny, finally and ultimately sated ... But enough about the pork. Roseanne Barr passionhusbandgirl I have great parents, and they both taught me great things, but my formative years were boundaryless. Roseanne Barr taughtparentyears I hold to nothing but envisioning international peace and utopia. We all have many more things in common than not. Roseanne Barr envisioningutopiacommon
