No one in history had ever done less and yet been so wrong. Maureen Johnson More Quotes by Maureen Johnson More Quotes From Maureen Johnson Irony is the word I forget the meaning of immediately after I look it up, but I kind of feel like I live in a constant state of it. Maureen Johnson ironykindlooks I had one class in the morning, the mysteriously named "Further Maths". It was two hours long and so deeply frightening that I think I went into a trance. Maureen Johnson mathmorningthinking The whole "weak in the knees" thing,which she always thought was just some idiotic expression back from the golden age of idiotic expressions,was real. -Suite Scarlett Maureen Johnson realexpressionage Debbie had to get up and slice me a thick piece of cake before she could answer. And I do mean thick. Harry Potter volume seven thick. I could have knocked out a burglar with this piece of cake. Once I tasted it, though, it seemed just the right size. Maureen Johnson sizecakemean She introduced herself to my parents with one of her mighty, bunny-crushing handshakes. (I'd never seen Claudia crush a bunny, to be fair, but that's the approximate level of pressure.) Maureen Johnson crushlevelsparent With that, I splashed some water on my face, fixed on a smile, and stepped out. I would find Jerome. I would make him explain to me what I was missing. We would laugh, then we would kiss with tongue, and all would be well. Maureen Johnson kissingwaterlaughing I looked at the stained-glass image of the lamb in the window above me, but that only reminded me that lambs are famous for being led to slaughter, or sometimes hanging out with lions in ill-advised relationships. Maureen Johnson lambslionsglasses A woman who shaves or otherwise depilates her pubic curls has a profound interest in recreational sex. Maureen Johnson curlsprofoundsex I had always assumed the weekend was a holy tradition, respected by good people everywhere. Not so at Wexford. Maureen Johnson weekendtraditionpeople Keep calm and carry on. Also, stay in and hide because the Ripper is coming. Maureen Johnson keep-calm-and-carry-oncalm The English play hockey in any weather. Thunder, lightning, plague of locusts... nothing can stop the hockey. Do not fight the hockey, for the hockey will win. Maureen Johnson hockeyfightingwinning It was clearly one of those mornings when I was particularly American. Maureen Johnson morning Braiiinnnnssss," we said in unison. "It's both sad and incredibly impressive that you were all ready with that one. Maureen Johnson unisonimpressivesaid These houses had been plunked down with an alarming randomness -- unevenly spaced, on crooked lines, like whoever had designed the place had said, "We'll just follow this cat, and wherever he sits down, we'll build something. Maureen Johnson linescathouse You're...a demon hunter?' 'It's not as exciting as it sounds,' he said. 'There is a surprising amount of paperwork involved. Maureen Johnson huntersdemonsound I decided to deflect her attitude by giving a long, Southern answer. I come from people who know how to draw things out. Annoy a Southerner, and we will drain away the moments of your life with our slow, detailed replies until you are nothing but a husk of your former self and that much closer to death. Maureen Johnson selfattitudelong Tell me what you want, what you really, really want," he said. "Braiiinnnnssss," we said in unison. Maureen Johnson unisonwhat-you-wantwant My final word: don't follow your dreams . . . chase them. With a stick, or a shovel, or whatever you have handy. Get that [bleep]ing dream! Maureen Johnson finalssticksdream One person's crazy is another person's sane, I guess. Maureen Johnson sanecrazylife Sometimes I even felt like he dated me as part of his plan, like they were going to have a checklist on the application, and one of the things to tick off was going to be, "Do you have a reasonably intelligent girlfriend who shares your aspirations, and who is fully prepared to accept your limited availability? Maureen Johnson availabilitygirlfriendintelligent
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