Now we all know that Fidel Castro dressed up like Marilyn Monroe and gave JFK a case of syphilis so bad it eventually blew out the back of his head. Stephen Colbert More Quotes by Stephen Colbert More Quotes From Stephen Colbert Oh sure, its fine when a monkey does it. But when I throw barrels at an Italian plumber, they call it a hate crime! Stephen Colbert italian hate doe Laughter brings the swelling down on our national psyche. Stephen Colbert swelling laughter inspirational Last night was Super Tuesday - a 10-state GOP Primary orgy. A big, sweaty pile of lever-yankin Republican voters. And like most orgies, it involves a bunch of middle aged guys who are not appealing to women. Stephen Colbert guy tuesday night I'm livin' high on the hog, and let me tell you, hogs make a terrible foundation. Stephen Colbert foundation let-me terrible Liberals want to burn the flag, but progressives just want to microwave it? Stephen Colbert microwaves flags want Take the platypus - that is not a finished product. It is clearly still in beta. Stephen Colbert platypus beta stills No one has any idea what's going to happen. Not even Elon Musk. That's why he's building those rockets. He wants a 'Plan B' on another world. Stephen Colbert want world ideas I don't get why the government is the only one that gets to print money. Stephen Colbert print government I'm impervious to logic. Stephen Colbert impervious logic I'm not a truthiness fanatic, I'm truthiness's father. Stephen Colbert fanatics father There's a wonderfully cooperative relationship between management and labor right now. Much like the historic partnership between oranges and a juicer. Stephen Colbert orange historic management Sorry to disappoint the liberals who tuned in tonight to gloat about Obama's lead in every poll, but I am not worried. McCain may be behind, but the man is a fighter. He doesn't know the meaning of the word 'quit.' He used to, but it was stored in the same part of his brain that remembered to vet his running mate. Stephen Colbert sorry running men Who's Britannica to tell me that the Panama Canal was built in 1914? If I want to say that it was built in 1941, that's my right as an American. Stephen Colbert panama-canal canals want Nothing is more vintage than dying of Rubella. Stephen Colbert vintage dying If someone spreads hate then they're not your religious leader. Stephen Colbert hate leader religious Speak from the balls, not from the diaphram. Stephen Colbert balls communication speak I'll make fun of anybody. We're all about falling down and going boom on camera. Stephen Colbert cameras fun fall Remember, you cannot be both young and wise. Young people who pretend to be wise to the ways of the world are mostly just cynics. Stephen Colbert wise remembers-you remember-you You can change the world. Please don't do that, OK? Some of us like the way things are going now. Stephen Colbert change way world I am down with the latest trends. And everyone knows, the thing on the streets is vampires. So I have been biting people on the neck. Stephen Colbert vampire trends people
