One of the best ways of keeping your temper in an argument, as most of us know only too well, is not to listen to anything the other person has to say. Alice Miller More Quotes by Alice Miller More Quotes From Alice Miller It was not the beautiful or pleasant feelings that gave me new insight, but the ones against which I fought most strongly: feelings that made me experience myself as shabby, petty, mean, helpless, humiliated, demanding, resentful or confused, and above all, sad and lonely. It was precisely through these experiences, which I had shunned for so long, that I became certain that I now understood something about my life, stemming from the core of my being, something that I could not have learned from any book. Alice Miller confused lonely beautiful Disrespect is the weapon of the weak Alice Miller disrespect weapons weak The reason why parents mistreat their children has less to do with character and temperament than with the fact that they were mistreated themselves and were not permitted to defend themselves. Alice Miller parent character children That probably greatest of narcissistic wounds -- not to have been loved just as one truly was -- cannot heal without the work of mourning. Alice Miller mourning narcissistic heal Quite often I have been faced with people who were praised and admired for their talents and their achievements... According to prevailing attitudes, these people-the pride and joy of their parents-should have had a strong and stable sense of self-assurance. But the case is exactly the opposite... Whenever they suddenly get the feeling they have failed to live up to some ideal image or have not measured up to some standard, then they are plagued by anxiety or deep feelings of guilt and shame. What are the reasons for such disturbances in these competent, accomplished people? Alice Miller strong pride attitude Child abuse is still sanctioned — indeed, held in high regard — in our society as long as it is defined as child-rearing. It is a tragic fact that parents beat their children in order to escape the emotions from how they were treated by their own parents. Alice Miller order long children The commandment to refrain from placing blame on our parents, deeply imprinted in us by our upbringing, skillfully performs the function of hiding essential truths from us. Alice Miller essentials parent truth Ultimately the body will rebel. Even if it can be temporarily pacified with the help of drugs, cigarettes or medicine, it usually has the last word because it is quicker to see through self-deception than the mind. We may ignore or deride the messages of the body, but its rebellion demands to be heeded because its language is the authentic expression of our true selves and of the strength of our vitality. Alice Miller expression self philosophy Genuine feelings cannot be produced, nor can they be eradicated. We can only repress them, delude ourselves, and deceive our bodies. The body sticks to the facts. Alice Miller body feelings facts Society chooses to disregard the mistreatment of children, judging it to be altogether normal because it is so commonplace. Alice Miller normal judging children Genuine forgiveness does not deny anger but faces it head-on. Alice Miller forgiveness anger doe The only possible recourse a baby has when his screams are ignored is to repress his distress, which is tantamount to mutilating his soul, for the result is an interference with his ability to feel, to be aware, and to remember. Alice Miller ignored soul baby All children are born to grow, to develop, to live, to love, and to articulate their needs and feelings for their self-protection Alice Miller self feelings children Sadism is not an infectious disease that strikes a person all of a sudden. It has a long prehistory in childhood and always originates in the desperate fantasies of a child who is searching for a way out of a hopeless situation. Alice Miller childhood long children We are still barely conscious of how harmful it is to treat children in a degrading manner. Treating them with respect and recognizing the consequences of their being humiliated are by no means intellectual matters; otherwise, their importance would long since have been generally recognized. Alice Miller long mean children Depression leads him close to his wounds, but only the mourning for what he has missed, missed at the crucial time, can lead to real healing. Alice Miller grief real healing Clinging uncritically to traditional ideas and beliefs often serves to obscure or deny real facts of our life history. Alice Miller real facts ideas The child has a primary need to be regarded and respected as the person he really is at any given time, and as the center - the central actor - in his own activity. Alice Miller actors children needs The free expression of resentment against one's parents represents a great opportunity. It provides access to one's true self, reactivates numbed feelings, opens the way for mourning and - with luck - reconciliation. Alice Miller family self opportunity Courage can be just as infectious as fear. Alice Miller grief
