People push my buttons, so I'm going to react. Chelsea Handler More Quotes by Chelsea Handler More Quotes From Chelsea Handler I'm not graceful either. I have no rhythm, I'm never on top. Chelsea Handler rhythm It's hard to tell these days what gender people are. You don't know if they're gay, if they're straight, or Bruce Jenner. Chelsea Handler gender gay people It's good that people don't like you. That's good. It means that you are doing something interesting. Chelsea Handler mean people interesting You don't give something away because it's fat. You take it and you look at it. Chelsea Handler fats giving looks Kiefer Sutherland has agreed to serve 48 days in jail for his DUI convictions. That's 245 months in Jack Bauer years. Chelsea Handler dui jail years Every time John Travolta assaults a masseur, a scientologist gets their wings. Chelsea Handler assault wings We spend so much money on these dresses that are terrible. And what do we get out of it? Nothing - a piece of chicken and a roll in the hay with her hillbilly cousin - no thank you. My family's very close; I can do that at home. Chelsea Handler cousin dresses home I met my first midget in Mexico, and he was a waiter with a sombrero on his head, filled with chips and salsa. Like I was gonna let that guy get away - I don't think so. Chelsea Handler guy firsts thinking My mom was kinda like a cat. She slept a lot. Chelsea Handler my-mom cat mom I have a question. Do you guys think it's OK to drink while you're pregnant if you're planning on giving the baby up for adoption? Chelsea Handler baby giving thinking I tried to put myself up for adoption several times. Chelsea Handler adoption I don't cook... I don't know how to clean... there's may be a good chance I'm an alcoholic. Chelsea Handler clean chance may I got a vibrator that needed two nine volt batteries. What am I - R2D2? I don't know what to do with that. Chelsea Handler batteries nine two I'd like to go out for a cocktail... or seven. Chelsea Handler cocktails seven No one has ever said to me 'go home and make a baby.' I have been told several times to go to Planned Parenthood and make the baby go away. Happy Hannukah. Chelsea Handler going-away home baby My theory about Taylor Swift is that she's a virgin, that everyone breaks up with her because they date her for two weeks and she's like, 'I'm not gonna do it'. Chelsea Handler dating week two People always tell me I need to have a kid, and I say, No, I don't. Because I wouldn't have just one kid; I'd have six. I need a huge family. So I just kind of fill my house with tons of rejects and misfits so it feels like I have a bunch of children. Chelsea Handler kids children people For months there have been rumors that J.Lo is finally pregnant with Marc Anthony's baby. She was afraid it might never happen. I'm afraid it's going to look like Marc Anthony. Chelsea Handler rumor baby looks Can you imagine getting a gun for a secret Santa? That is especially not a good idea if you work in a post office. Chelsea Handler office gun ideas Boy George has been charged with falsely imprisoning a man who'd gone to his apartment to pose for photographs. Going to Boy George's house to get your picture taken is like going to David Copperfield's island for a radio opportunity. Chelsea Handler taken opportunity boys
