Remember that whatever anyone does, it is an effort to meet a need. Marshall B. Rosenberg More Quotes by Marshall B. Rosenberg More Quotes From Marshall B. Rosenberg Conflicts, even of long standing duration, can be resolved if we can just keep the flow of communication going in which people come out of their heads and stop criticizing and analyzing each other, and instead get in touch with their needs, and hear the needs of others, and realize the interdependence that we all have in relation to each other. We can't win at somebody else's expense. We can only fully be satisfied when the other person's needs are fulfilled as well as our own. Marshall B. Rosenberg communication winning long I recommend allowing others the opportunity to fully express themselves before turning our attention to solutions or requests for relief. When we proceed too quickly to what people might be requesting, we may not convey our genuine interest in their feelings and needs; instead, they may get the impression that we're in a hurry to either be free of them or to fix their problem. Furthermore, an initial message is often like the tip of an iceberg; it may be followed by yet unexpressed, but related - and often more powerful - feelings. Marshall B. Rosenberg powerful opportunity people Anger is a signal that you're distracted by judgmental or punitive thinking, and that some precious need of yours is being ignored. Marshall B. Rosenberg being-ignored communication thinking Learning is too precious to be motivated by coercive tactics. Marshall B. Rosenberg motivated tactics communication Empathy lies in our ability to be present without opinion. Marshall B. Rosenberg empathy opinion lying Children need far more than basic skills in reading, writing, and math, as important as those might be. Children also need to learn how to think for themselves, how to find meaning in what they learn, and how to work and live together. Marshall B. Rosenberg communication reading children The best way I can get understanding from another person is to give this person the understanding, too. If I want them to hear my needs and feelings, I first need to empathize. Marshall B. Rosenberg empathy understanding giving Keep in mind that other people's actions can never 'make' you feel any certain way. Feelings are your warning indicators. Marshall B. Rosenberg communication feelings people Labeling and diagnosis is a catastrophic way to communicate. Telling other people what's wrong with them greatly reduces, almost to zero, the probability that we're going to get what we're after. Marshall B. Rosenberg communication zero people We only feel dehumanized when we get trapped in the derogatory images of other people or thoughts of wrongness about ourselves. As author and mythologist Joseph Campbell suggested, "'What will they think of me?' must be put aside for bliss." We begin to feel this bliss when messages previously experienced as critical or blaming begin to be seen for the gifts they are: opportunities to give to people who are in pain. Marshall B. Rosenberg pain opportunity thinking Punishment is the root of violence on our planet. Marshall B. Rosenberg punishment communication roots When we listen for their feelings and needs, we no longer see people as monsters. Marshall B. Rosenberg communication feelings people We are compassionate with ourselves when we are able to embrace all parts of ourselves and recognize the needs and values expressed by each part. Marshall B. Rosenberg able communication needs Every message, regardless of form or content, is an expression of a need. Marshall B. Rosenberg communication expression needs To do this, you can bring in nothing from the past. So the more psychology you've studied, the harder it will be to empathize. The more you know the person, the harder it will be to empathize. Diagnoses and past experiences can instantly knock you off the board. This doesn't mean denying the past. Past experiences can stimulate what's alive in this moment. But are you present to what was alive then or what the person is feeling and needing in this moment? Marshall B. Rosenberg empathy mean past People don't make us angry, how we think makes us angry. Marshall B. Rosenberg communication people thinking All moralistic judgments, whether positive or negative, are tragic expressions of unmet needs. Marshall B. Rosenberg communication expression negative At the core of all anger is a need that is not being fulfilled. Marshall B. Rosenberg nonviolent-communication anger needs We can never make anyone do anything against their will without enormous consequences. Marshall B. Rosenberg nonviolent-communication enormous communication When I am angry I have a judgment and an unmet need. Marshall B. Rosenberg unmet-needs judgment communication
