Rick Santorum doesn't like sex. He doesn't like the pill. He really doesn't like condoms. He said if men are going to pull something on to prevent procreation, nothing works better that a sweater vest. Bill Maher More Quotes by Bill Maher More Quotes From Bill Maher I kid the Republicans, with love. I feel bad for them. They got nobody for next time. Who are they gonna run? Sarah Palin, reading off her hand. Did you see that? You saw this? She wrote "tax cuts" on her hand. A Republican so stupid she has to be reminded of the one thing - Tax cuts! This is like if you saw the coyote's paw and it said "Road Runner". Bill Maher reading stupid running I love Jesus. I just don't like the Christians who don't believe in what he says. Bill Maher christian believe jesus I want to thank some very special people without whom I would not be here today. George Bush, Sarah Palin and the Pope. When I came to Hollywood in 1983, I had one dream. To sleep with Jodie Foster. That didn't work out, but this is nice, too. Bill Maher nice dream sleep I’m supposed to be all re-injected with yes-we-can fever after the big health care speech, and it was a great speech - when Black Elvis gets jiggy with his teleprompter, there is none better. But here’s the thing: Muhammad Ali also had a way with words, but it helped enormously that he could also punch guys in the face. Bill Maher yes-we-can black guy I think what's dangerous is the idea that someone can wash away your sins. Bill Maher sin ideas thinking Nobody sees people as people. It's all how they relate to my little group. Bill Maher groups littles people Who takes care of their people better? FEMA or Hezbollah? Bill Maher hezbollah care people I have a theory that the Internet makes people stupider. And Also FOX News makes people stupider. Bill Maher news foxes people But isn't there something wrong when I'm the only guy in the country that got fired for 9/11? Bill Maher guy country I don't want to be a pessimist. I'm a realist. One man's realist is another man's pessimist. Bill Maher realist want men Saddam Hussein is Hitler like Oasis was The Beatles. Bill Maher saddam oasis hussein There are people who think everything is a conspiracy and I think they're crazy. Bill Maher crazy people thinking There are two things that you have to lie to get through. One is politics, and the other is marriage. Bill Maher politics two lying In this country your guilty until proven wealthy. Bill Maher wealthy guilty country It's very well known that the Republicans have problems with minorities. The Democrats have big problems with white people. Obama only got 39% of the vote. He only got 36% of the working-class white people. Bill Maher white class people I don't dislike children, I just don't particularly want to be around with them a lot. Problem is, neither do their parents. Bill Maher parent want children The country can't get well if the people are sick. And the people are sick. Bill Maher get-well country people In the Muslim world, much of it, they cannot conceive of something coming out of the United States that wouldn't be sanctioned by the government, because in their countries, everything is sanctioned by the government. Bill Maher united-states government country New polls show that Obama is now pulling away from Mitt Romney. And, of course, what could be more natural than to see Mitt Romney and pull away? Bill Maher pulling-away polls natural And he said that 47%-that's pretty high-47% of Americans are basically welfare bums who are mooching off the government. And then he said, 'My job is not to worry about those people.' You know, where do people get this stuff that Mitt Romney is a heartless, calculating c**ksucker? Bill Maher government jobs people
