Seeing John Major govern the country is like watching Edward Scissorhands try to make balloon animals. Simon Hoggart More Quotes by Simon Hoggart More Quotes From Simon Hoggart I know of no wars started by anyone to impose lack of religion on someone else. We have lethal Sunni v Shia, Catholic against Protestant, but no agnostic suicide bombers attack crowded atheist pubs. Simon Hoggart atheist suicide war I know of no wars started by anyone to impose lack of religion on someone else. Simon Hoggart atheist motivational inspirational The formal Washington dinner party has all the spontaneity of a Japanese imperial funeral. Simon Hoggart dinner funeral party A British lawyer would like to think of himself as part of that mysterious entity called The Law; an American lawyer would like a swimming pool and two houses. Simon Hoggart swimming law thinking Until now their line has been that the Tories are incapable of doing anything about poverty, and aren't interested in doing it in the first place. By contrast, Labour says, we are also incapable of doing anything about poverty, but would dearly love to do something. If we knew what. Simon Hoggart poverty lines firsts I also learned to play Fruit Ninja on an iPad. It is quite hypnotic, and I hope one day to get past 100 points. I remembered that David Cameron admits to being an addict. I wonder if it helps him in his work. 'Great, just destroyed a pineapple! Reminds me, shall we send those grenades to the Syrian rebels?' Simon Hoggart ipads play past Living in New York is like being at some terrible late-night party. You're tired, you've had a headache since you arrived, but you can't leave because then you'd miss the party. Simon Hoggart tired party new-york Kind 'Guardian' readers have been forwarding me round robin Christmas newsletters for years now: lengthy missives full of perfect children, exotic holidays, talented pets and endless, tedious detail. The notes that accompanied them revealed they had inspired in the original recipients everything from mild irritation to absolute rage. Simon Hoggart holiday children years I've served on five different juries, and many of them were bonkers in their own way. Simon Hoggart jury different way While it is entirely untrue that Canadians lack a sense of humour, the funniest ones tend to head south: Dan Aykroyd, Jim Carrey, Michael J. Fox. Simon Hoggart michael-j-fox humour foxes In Washington, success is just a training course for failure. Simon Hoggart training courses success When I was collecting material for a political gossip column, and someone said something interesting, I would wait for them to add, "and I don't want to read that in your magazine!" In which case I wouldn't use it. But if they didn't remember to say it, I'd nip off to the loo, write the story up, come back and change the subject. Simon Hoggart gossip writing interesting Watching the Commons tribute to Margaret Thatcher was like being suffocated inside a gigantic sticky toffee pudding, but one with nasty bogeys planted inside. There was much of the 'Margaret Thatcher who was lucky enough to know me,' especially from her own side of the House. Simon Hoggart toffee lucky house British diplomats who worked in Iran during the 1980 hostage crisis are deeply upset by Ben Affleck's Oscar-winning film 'Argo,' which suggests they refused shelter to the group who managed to get out of the U.S. embassy. Simon Hoggart hostage-crisis iran winning Remember how Margaret Thatcher came to believe that abroad was more important than at home? Didn't do her much good. Simon Hoggart important home believe Poor Harper Seven Beckham, having to live with that name all her life. It's the Boy Named Sue syndrome; at the very least it will toughen her up. Simon Hoggart seven names boys Most successful American politicians look well-fed on endorsements, campaign contributions and chicken dinners. Simon Hoggart dinner successful looks Switzerland still has a huge share of the watch market, all advertised at the airport on illuminated hoardings. Gosh, they are ugly. Simon Hoggart hoarding airports watches The British are the last national group who can be insulted by Hollywood without any comeback. These days if you depict Italians as gangsters, Saudis as terrorists or Mexicans as violent drug dealers you'll never hear the end of it. But as still the largest - and possibly the richest - ethnic group in the States, the British just have to take it. Simon Hoggart groups hollywood drug Corney & Barrow are proud to have the royal warrant, meaning that they provide the Palace with some of the greatest - and necessarily most expensive - wines from around the world. I am pleased to say that they also hold my own warrant, for providing exceptional wines at - surprisingly - modest prices. Simon Hoggart proud wine world
