Start each day out the holy way..with Christ Chex, it's a miracle in a bowl. Just open the box and you hear AHHHHH....and then a lil' angel flies out and says 'good morning, life is beautiful!'. Dane Cook More Quotes by Dane Cook More Quotes From Dane Cook You must accept responsibility for your actions. This doesn't include reactions, interactions or transactions if you're thinkin' loophole. Dane Cook responsibility acceptance action I can smell bullshit from a mile away but it's so much harder to detect when it's around you all day. Dane Cook smell bullshit miles The whole thing with comedy is that you are always in control. Writer, director, actor, producer, and sometimes bouncer. And you are just a piece of their puzzle. Dane Cook pieces actors directors We all hope for breakthrough rebirth moments. When you're headed for a breakthrough moment, it's kind of scary because you say, 'If I break through then I have to make great change in my life.' Dane Cook break-through scary kind The little boy inside of all us men always loves something video game related. Dane Cook games men boys If you have to be at work at 8, it's always like, 7:54. Just enough time to do nothing. To just lay there and go, "I can't do anything! I can't even have an English muffin! Dane Cook muffins enough-time lays I got home from work today and took like a one hundred hour nap. No you did not. You'd be very sick if you were taking one hundred hour naps. That's a coma! If you said you took a coma after work I'd be able to follow the story. Dane Cook sick naps home When a guy says "I have no idea what you're talking about" it means "I'm thinking of exactly what you're saying I did while I lie to you." Dane Cook mean lying thinking I like to play guitar, jam out, play the blues, go watch movies. I love movies. Dane Cook guitar play movie-love We never had a pool, right. So one summer, I remember. My dad, to make me happy. You know I was bummed out cause we didn't have the pool. So one summer he bought us this thing. It was yellow, you laid it on the lawn, sprayed it with the water, run across. Slip n' Slide. Yeah. Would have been fun if dad checked for rocks before he laid it down! Slip n' Bleed from the anus they should have called this ride. Dane Cook summer running fun Trolls look for reasons to hate but really what they are mad at is the fact they are not included in anything ever. Dane Cook mad hate looks I've been ignoring my feelings lately. That works pretty well. Might also settle for less this week, just to try it out. Dane Cook feelings trying might It's amazing how dumb people can impress you with how much stupider they can be when they really assert themselves. Dane Cook dumb-people dumb people Sometimes girls act all TNT Network because they know drama. That's when guys get all TBS around you because we think it's very funny. Dane Cook girl drama thinking I don't like littering and I think it leads to terrorist activities. Dane Cook littering terrorist thinking I don't hate anyone. I simply block them out using hellish visions in a blind white rage. But if I see them out I'm pleasant. Dane Cook block hate white Sometimes, when a person gains a lot of success at a very young age, they become targets, and it's really easy to follow the crowds and not make independent decisions based on truly how you feel. Dane Cook independent decision age I like fearless characters, people just not afraid to do anything it takes to make people laugh. Dane Cook character laughing people Comedy crowds - we always want to come out and ask you, 'How you feeling?' We always say that, 'By a round of applause, how do you feel?' Right? 'By a round of applause, how you feeling?' It's the only place in the world that you judge how you're feeling by a round of applause... There's never like a car accident, people all over the ground, people running over - 'Ma'am! Ma'am! By a round of applause, how do you feel? By a round of applause - she's not clapping! Dane Cook judging running people I don't know if I could kill someone with a frozen turkey because that is a lot of evidence to eat .... unless I found a whole room of people who also wanted that person dead. Dane Cook turkeys people rooms
