Steven Spielberg seems to have wanted to be a director from 13. He put his dog in a certain position and made him eat at four o'clock. He liked to direct it. But, to me, directing is tedious. Especially if you're acting in it. And I'm inherently lazy.

Albert Brooks

Categorized in : Dog Acting Lazy

When I was younger, I wasn't concentrating on good days. I was managing a career and trying to have a good year. It would always 'lead' to something, which never leads to anything except death, where everything leads to. And then as I got older, and then I had my kids and everything, I began to appreciate a great Wednesday.

Albert Brooks

good-years good-day kids

Fear is like a giant fog. It sits on your brain and blocks everything - real feelings, true happiness, real joy. They can't get through that fog. But you lift it, and buddy, you're in for the ride of your life.

Albert Brooks

fear happiness life

I was in Kashmir last weekend. Went to visit one of my sweaters.

Albert Brooks

kashmir sweaters weekend

Getting older is a lot of fun. Right up there with chewing glass or putting your hand in a blender.

Albert Brooks

glasses fun hands

Wouldn't this be a great world if insecurity and desperation made us more attractive?

Albert Brooks

desperation insecurity world

If you want to be a writer, just write. There's no magic to it.

Albert Brooks

magic want writing

Your spouse should be just attractive enough to turn you on. Anything more is trouble.

Albert Brooks

dating trouble enough

When I audition, I understand what it takes and the insecurities that come with it. If I do anything, I put actors at ease. I used to tell directors who weren't actors, the best thing they could do was take an acting class for a couple of months. Just to understand.

Albert Brooks

insecurity couple class

If anything happens to me, tell every woman I've ever gone with I was talking about her at the end. That way, they'll have to reevaluate me.

Albert Brooks

life-and-death gone talking

'Drive' came to me because the casting director knew my manager and called and said, 'You've always talked to me about Albert wanting to play the heavy. I think he should read this.' My ears just perked up.

Albert Brooks

casting play thinking

I've never been disappointed, because I've never given somebody I liked that much power.

Albert Brooks

disappointed given

I'm not a big fan of the post-Armageddon stories, where Denzel Washington is walking around in a torn coat.

Albert Brooks

coats fans stories

I got so good at writing to a budget, my brain was restricting myself. I'd write, "It's a stormy night." Then I'd cross out stormy. I'd write: "It's a calm night." Then I'd cross out night. It's noon. Because you know how much night costs. You know how much rain costs. Nothing comes free in movies.

Albert Brooks

rain writing night

I can't not put humor in a book.

Albert Brooks

i-can book

Relaxation is the absence of worry.

Albert Brooks

absence worry relaxation

All improv turns into anger. All comedy improv basically turns into anger, because that's all people know how to do when they're improvising. If you notice shows that are improvising are generally people yelling at each other.

Albert Brooks

yelling comedy people

I don't know that I can define fear. But one of the sources of fear is holding up some sort of model life that doesn't exist and feeling like you're far away from it.

Albert Brooks

far-away like-you feelings

I've always enjoyed stories that take place in the future but my one disappointment was that the future books described never came. We're not on other planets, there are no flying cars, and the only robots we have in our homes just sweep the floor. So I wanted to write about a future that I thought could really happen. People ask me when I tell them the title of the book, 'Are we all dead?' The good news is, no. We're still here. And I even think the future in my book is strangely hopeful, although I'm sure there will be people who strongly disagree.

Albert Brooks

disappointment home book

Someone asked me "what do you think of Donald Trump?" And I said, "I would rather vote for Hillary Clinton in jail." If she gets convicted, I'll vote for her for president.

Albert Brooks

vote president thinking

Be generous and you can be the best person who ever lived.

Albert Brooks

best-person being-the-best persons