The architecture of my sister's thinking, now phantom. I fall down stairs that are nothing but air. Jandy Nelson More Quotes by Jandy Nelson More Quotes From Jandy Nelson My sister will die over and over again for the rest of my life. Grief is forever. It doesn't go away; it becomes a part of you, step for step, breath for breath. I will never stop grieving Bailey because I will never stop loving her. That's just how it is. Grief and love are conjoined, you don't get one without the other. All I can do is love her, and love the world, emulate her by living with daring and spirit and joy. Jandy Nelson sadgriefloss But then I think about my sister and what a shell-less turtle she was and how she wanted me to be one too. C'mon, Lennie, she used to say to me at least ten times a day. C'mon Len. And that makes me feel better, like it's her life rather than her death that is now teaching me how to be, who to be. Jandy Nelson feel-betterteachingthinking I know the expression love bloomed is metaphorical, but in my heart in this moment, there is one badass flower, captured in time-lapse photography, going from bud to wild radiant blossom in ten seconds flat. Jandy Nelson badassflowerphotography How will I survive this missing? How do others do it? People die all the time. Every day. Every hour. There are families all over the world staring at beds that are no longer slept in, shoes that are no longer worn. Families that no longer have to buy a particular cereal, a kind of shampoo. There are people everywhere standing in line at the movies, buying curtains, walking dogs, while inside, their hearts are ripping to shreds. For years. For their whole lives. I don't believe time heals. I don't want it to. If I heal, doesn't that mean I've accepted the world without her? Jandy Nelson dogheartbelieve How can the word love, the word life, even fit in the mouth? Jandy Nelson words-lovefitmouths What kind of world is this? And what do you do about it? What do you do when the worst thing that can happen actually happens? Jandy Nelson worstkindworld Who wants to know that the person you love and need the most can just vanish forever Jandy Nelson wantforeverneeds Or maybe a person is just made up of a lot of peopleMaybe we’re accumulating these new selves all the time. Hauling them in as we make choices, good and bad, as we screw up, step up, lose our minds, find our minds, fall apart, fall in love, as we grieve, grow, retreat from the world, dive into the world, as we make things, as we break things. Jandy Nelson falling-in-loveselfgrieving We were all heading for each other on a collision course, no matter what. Maybe some people are just meant to be in the same story. Jandy Nelson matterstoriespeople In one split second I saw everything I could be, everything I want to be. And all that I'm not. Jandy Nelson splitssawswant She's a sun-kissed beach girl who goes gothgrungepunkhippierockeremocoremetalfreakfashionistabraingeekboycrazyhiphoprastagirl to keep it under wraps. Jandy Nelson girlsunbeach The first thing I notice is the sky, so full of blue and the kind of brilliant white clouds that make you ecstatic to have eyes. Nothing can go wrong under this sky. Jandy Nelson eyeblueclouds grief is a house where the chairs have forgotten how to hold us the mirrors how to reflect us the walls how to contain us grief is a house that disappears each time someone knocks at the door or rings the bell a house that blows into the air at the slightest gust that buries itself deep in the ground while everyone is sleeping grief is a house where no on can protect you where the younger sister will grow older than the older one where the doors no longer let you in or out Jandy Nelson wallgriefsleep ... if you're someone who knows the worst thing can happen at any time, aren't you also someone who knows the best thing can happen at any time too? Jandy Nelson best-thingsworsthappens You have to see the miracles for there to be miracles. Jandy Nelson miracle The sky is everywhere, it begins at your feet. Jandy Nelson cheer-upfeetsky People die, I think, but your relationship with them doesn't. It continues and is ever-changing. Jandy Nelson our-relationshippeoplethinking When people fall in love, they burst into flames. Jandy Nelson falling-in-loveflamesfall How could a mother who boils water for pasta leave two little girls behind? Jandy Nelson girlmothertwo For the first time in our lives, I’m somewhere she can’t find, and I don’t have the map to give her that leads to me. Jandy Nelson mapsgivingfirsts
