The magazine at the health food store said, Stop Aging! Isn't that what death is for? Trust me, we're all gonna stop aging. Dana Gould More Quotes by Dana Gould More Quotes From Dana Gould Corn is the only food you hold like corn. Dana Gould corn I don't want to say my mom is late on trends, but this morning she said, Have a shagadelic day, sweetheart. Dana Gould trends mom morning I used to fear living a life untouched by God, but now, for some reason I've gone back to being afraid of cement mixers. Dana Gould used gone reason It's nice to live in a country that has its priorities straight: the library's open three hours a week, and the House of Fist is 24/7. Dana Gould nice house country My dogs love me. Of course, by love I mean poop and by me I mean everywhere. Dana Gould poop dog mean Want to be happy? Don't live competitively. Be content who you are. Live at peace with yourself and the losers below you. Dana Gould want-to-be-happy loser want Whoever coined the phrase, killing two birds with one stone, not only hated birds but also thought we needed to conserve stones. Dana Gould stones bird two My fantasy football team got mixed up in another fantasy and now they're stuck on a pirate ship with a chick in a Catwoman suit. Dana Gould pirate team football If there's one thing worse than being really angry for no reason, it's suddenly remembering the reason. Dana Gould being-real reason remember I feel sorry for high school teams still named the Cougars. Now what does the coach say? Get out there and play like horny old ladies! Dana Gould team sorry school Dogs: the best friend you will ever have that pees on your couch and stays your friend. Dana Gould couches dog Cupcakes - when you want to watch your weight, but still feel the pride that comes with eating an entire cake. Dana Gould cupcakes pride watches Homo sapiens are the only mammals who intentionally hold Beard Of Bees competitions. Dana Gould mammals beard competition Having kids means there's always someone around to blame your fart on. Dana Gould blame mean kids The hard part about living in the present is it forces you to abandon hope for the future. Thanks for nothing, now. Dana Gould live-in-the-present thanks force I bet when all the punctuation marks have a party, they quietly look at exclamation point's wife and think, that poor woman. Dana Gould exclamation-points party thinking If studies on lab rats are any indication, human beings have a deep-seated fear of a big, scary cat being let into their cage. Dana Gould cages cat scary I'm going to live until I die, and everything in between is just another excuse to eat peanut butter. Dana Gould peanuts peanut-butter excuse I try to look on the bright side, but it really hurts my eyes. Dana Gould eye hurt trying The simple act of smiling at people makes the world a better place. Unless it's the day you decide to walk around with your dong out. Dana Gould simple people world
