The selfish and usually pointless approach is to try to get both done simultaneously - accomplish your work at hand while begging forgiveness of those close to you while you're basically working in front of them during what could've been specifically 'quality time.'

Bob Saget

Categorized in : Hands Trying Selfish

I have the brain of a German Shepherd and the body of a 16-year-old boy; they’re both in my car and I want you to see them

car boys years

Today is the first day of the rest of your life. And if that doesn't work out for you, Tomorrow is the first day of the rest of your life.

rest-of-your-life work-out today

Behind every great man in prison is another great man in prison. by Bob Saget

Behind every great man in prison is another great man in prison.

behind-every-great-man prison men

I'm a believer that when one door closes another one opens. But why does the one opening always hit me full-speed-knob-first into my nuts?

nuts doe doors

My father once told me, and it's stuck with me to this day: As you walk through life, every time you fart it pushes you forward.

fart stuck father

Full House was a show that was done for ten-year-olds. The critics hated it. They said terrible, terrible things about it. But it should have been reviewed by ten-year-olds. That's who it was made for. They loved it. And if they loved it, great. Why the hell does a fifty-year-old guy working at a big newspaper have to tell me I'm a piece of crap?

guy should-have years

Today is a brand new day. A day of change, of promise, of creativity, of kindness, and of love. I'm going back to bed.

creativity kindness new-day

If someone sprays windex in your food it can give you diarrhea. But once you wipe it off your windows, you're fine.

wipe giving window

My dad told me if I was ever intimidated by anyone, just picture them with their clothes off. He said that's how he dealt with my mom.

clothes dad mom

When someone you love is hurting, if it was possible, you'd want to take their pain for them. But do I really want cramps and sore boobs?

pain hurt love-is

At the end of the day it's the end of the day. by Bob Saget

At the end of the day it's the end of the day.

and-at-the-end-of-the-day the-end-of-the-day ends

My mom just told me it's impossible to know what's going to happen in life. Except with breakfast, cause she eats the same thing every day.

causes mom breakfast

I'm doing 5000 seat theaters and audiences are going nuts, it's fantastic and it makes me very happy. I'm dirty, but not like this; I just do comedy that I find funny. I'm working on a new tv show for cable and it's not set up yet.

tv-shows nuts dirty

I don't roll like that but I've never been with a hooker either. Yeah, that's good to say in an interview cause I feel bad a little because people grew up watching me and that's a little disturbing.

interviews littles people

I wouldn't hurt a flea. I'd finger a spider though. by Bob Saget

I wouldn't hurt a flea. I'd finger a spider though.

fleas spiders hurt

My girlfriend just told me I am one of the smartest people she knows. I told her, You need to meet other people.

girlfriend people needs

It was a JOB; the video show was a JOB; you don't tell the Aristocrats joke at 8 o'clock at night on network tv, it would be funny though. But those guys know I like dirty stuff, I like clean stuff too.

jobs night dirty

Nobody can tell me what I can or can't do, except they can. by Bob Saget

Nobody can tell me what I can or can't do, except they can.

i-can

I'm completely changing my diet. My nutritionist recommends I must now stop eating food I have already eliminated.

eating-food diets eating

It's smart to marry your yoga teacher so when you get divorced yo... by Bob Saget

It's smart to marry your yoga teacher so when you get divorced you know how to go down on yourself.

smart yoga teacher