There are so many low points with stand-up. You are perpetually humiliated, so it doesn't really matter anymore. I don't have any dignity left to lose. An audience can’t hurt you anymore when you’ve been completely dismantled. John Oliver More Quotes by John Oliver More Quotes From John Oliver Having a human conversation is not something I've had any training in either as a comedian or as, you know, a human being. John Oliver training comedian conversation Here in America, people come out to see what they've known you to do. In England it's like everyone comes out to tell you exactly how well they think you're doing. John Oliver america people thinking It's pretty physically unsettling, living life on a visa. John Oliver visa live-life Florida, just because you're shaped like some combination of a gun and a d*ck doesn't mean you have to act that way. John Oliver florida gun mean I think deep down, this planet yearns for the days of the British Empire again. They long once more to be treated that badly, that politely. We did far worse things than you can possibly dream of, but we did it with that certainly gentlemanly swagger... Dreadfully sorry, but we seem to have crushed your entire continent's infrastructure. Allow me to make it up to you by offering you a job 4,000 miles away. No, no, I insist. John Oliver sorry dream jobs I'm British. I don't really have access to my emotions on a daily basis. John Oliver bases british emotion I would hate to meet myself at 15. John Oliver hate I'm British; pessimism is my wheelhouse. John Oliver pessimism british I would much rather America was a more stable, wonderful place. You know, I love it. John Oliver knows wonderful america The disconnect between America and its military is shocking. John Oliver shocking military america There's never any time I think I'm a real journalist, because I don't have any of the qualifications or the intentions for that. John Oliver intention real thinking If you vote for Democrats, you might as well give Al Quaeda a death ray and a manual. John Oliver als might giving I know I'd be an absolutely horrendous politician. John Oliver politician knows There is no greater anesthetic than sport. John Oliver anesthetics greater sports I think I'm just a summer fling that people will soon forget. John Oliver summer people thinking Veterans' issues are quite close to my heart. I find it quite hard to talk about, actually. John Oliver veteran issues heart When you're doing stand-up, you want to stand onstage and, to the extent that you can, uncomplicatedly entertain. John Oliver want If you’re asking me, would I have voted for Mitt Romney, the answer is absolutely not. Emphatically not. I cannot envision a world in which I would have voted for Mitt Romney unless I sustained a massive concussion. John Oliver asking answers world I don't know if there is some psychological thing of wanting to know where your doctor got his degree from before he comes into the medical room. John Oliver doctors degrees rooms I find it hard in my general life to think further than the week ahead. John Oliver hard week thinking
