There is a difference between your parents' not reporting to you everything they do and keeping secrets from you. Carolyn Hax More Quotes by Carolyn Hax More Quotes From Carolyn Hax Being negative is easy. There will always be a downside to everything good, a hurdle to everything desirable, a con to every pro. The real courage is in finding the good in what you have, the opportunities in every hurdle, the pros in every con. Carolyn Hax realwisdomopportunity And if you're a parent who thinks you're okay because your kid doesn't have a phone or iPod yet, and/or you've used all the parent controls to filter out explicit material, you're not okay. The filters are tissue paper and your kid without a phone is on a school bus or in a locker room or at a public park with phone-equipped kids every day. And they're like all kids in exploring - by whatever means available to them - exactly what their parents are treating as too embarrassing or taboo to talk about. Carolyn Hax meankidsschool Your job is to be you, which includes being the chief beneficiary of all things you do right, the chief victim of all you do wrong, and the one person on Earth who has to live with every choice you make. As gatekeeper to your life, you’re it. Carolyn Hax choicesearthjobs Live in the moment, this moment, your moment. That is by far and without meaningful rival The Best Position to put yourself in to discover and delight in who your children turn out to be, whoever they turn out to be. Carolyn Hax live-in-the-momentmeaningfulchildren You can't make people like you under the best of circumstances, and you certainly can't make them like you while you're actively badgering them on what you perceive to be their failures of conscience. Carolyn Hax like-youcircumstancespeople One helpful thing to keep in mind as a retort-stopper is that you won't "win," you won't change anyone's mind, you won't change any votes, you won't make the atmosphere in the room any better, YOU won't feel any better. Carolyn Hax atmospheremindwinning Minimizing exposure to miserable people is nothing short of a life strategy. Carolyn Hax strategymiserablepeople Sometimes the pain outweighs the good things. Carolyn Hax paingood-thingssometimes No matter what else comes, your courage will be your companion for life. Carolyn Hax companionno-matter-whatmatter Of course the thoughts and awareness are there, but it's all incomplete and often fanciful - kids know there's something to know, and they fill in a bunch of the blanks with their imaginations if their parents haven't had the conversations and/or established themselves as sources of information. It's rare that the kids know nothing at all, and the somethings they do know are often only partially right or flat-out wrong. Carolyn Hax parentimaginationkids The only answer that has any chance against against the information saturation kids face these days is to talk openly with kids, early enough and often enough and unflinchingly enough that you set the precedent of being the safe place they can go to ask their difficult questions. It has to happen starting when they're 2 or 3, and they ask you where babies come from and instead of freaking out and deflecting, you give facts commensurate with their ability to understand. Carolyn Hax babygivingkids It's okay to forgive yourself immediately and for good. Carolyn Hax forgive-yourselfokayforgiving If you take the time to listen to an upset child's story with empathy, and guide the child toward figuring out the root of the problem, then the result is often that the child not only calms down, but also in the future is less likely to get so upset. Carolyn Hax empathyrootschildren When in doubt, respond to what you witness, not what you hear secondhand. Carolyn Hax when-in-doubtwitnessdoubt Instead of talking at each other about the non-business-related contact, talk to each other about your concerns about marriage. Listen a lot, too. Carolyn Hax concerncontacttalking Moving is hard. Staying is easy. Logistically speaking, at least. And this is true whether you're doing or undoing something. Carolyn Hax easymoving Apparently you have ample proof from experience that you're not going to stop world evil by debating your in-laws into submission, so it's okay to choose not to try. Carolyn Hax evillawtrying Your friends will need you, too, someday. Maybe not in the same way, maybe not in cash and shelter, but they'll need you - to listen without judging, to invite them over when they're lonely, to show up for their events, to register in whatever way matters to them that they matter to you. Be on the lookout for these opportunities to give back, and do whatever is in your power not to miss many of them. Carolyn Hax lonelyopportunitygiving Almost no one can take on an entire future in one step, much less while reeling emotionally. Carolyn Hax Waiting for someone to propose to you only passes the "Really, it's tradition!" sniff test when both of you think it's the man's job to propose and both of you think that's awesome. Carolyn Hax traditionwaitingthinking
