There must be a way to get more of these in me faster, thought the inventor of pea soup as he sat eating peas. Dana Gould More Quotes by Dana Gould More Quotes From Dana Gould Do people in the Ku Klux Klan who die and come back as ghosts have to wear two sheets when attending the rally? Dana Gould ku-klux-klan two people Halloween Costume I Hate: kids dressed as their parent's poltical beliefs. Oooh! Aren't you a scary health care reform bill! Dana Gould halloween hate kids How do I ask my shrink to stop responding to everything I say with, Too much information! and then giggling behind a pillow? Dana Gould too-much-information responding behinds Every Thanksgiving we feed the homeless so they may join us as we celebrate other people finding a home. Dana Gould home may people My dog keeps looking at me as if he knows my secret, as if he and he alone can see my soul. That or he wants this pork chop. Dana Gould soul secret dog Love is like pancreatitis; it starts off slow, then builds in intensity until you become consumed and develop violent cramps. Dana Gould intensity violent love-is Marriage is like a row boat: it fits two, it doesn't work on auto-pilot and it's very difficult to have sex in. Dana Gould row-boats two sex Centuries ago, human beings created marriage. Later, they looked to the sky and dreamt of traveling to the moon. Coincidence? Dana Gould coincidence moon sky It's been years since any hillbilly has reported getting sodomized by an alien. Did they break up and not tell us? Dana Gould hillbilly aliens years If I had a dreamcatcher when I was thirteen, it would have spent many long days in the dryer. Dana Gould i-had-a-dream thirteen long I love my dog, but since the kids came along, the petting has gone out of our relationship. Dana Gould gone dog kids Had an audition for a pilot today, but realized I could save gas and help the environment by pissing up a rope here at home! Dana Gould rope pilots home I don't really like myself, but I'm way into me, physically. Dana Gould way Earthquakes would be great if they could hit specific areas, like the parent lounge at a children's beauty pageant. Dana Gould parent earthquakes children Despite a primitive brain, the octopus possesses an intricate system that helps it decide which tentacle to masturbate with. Dana Gould octopus brain helping The man who invented instant pudding was moved to action by an inability to wait for pudding. Dana Gould inability waiting men My dog is so old, she now has a lot of cats. Dana Gould my-dog cat dog Like many indelible family memories, carving a pumpkin begins with someone grabbing a really sharp knife. Dana Gould pumpkin knives memories Showing joy by jumping up and down and clapping goes away at some point between pre-school and being old enough to go to orgies. Dana Gould jumping joy school Many stroke survivors look back on their attack as a stroke of luck. Of course, by luck they mean horrible paralysis. Dana Gould survivor luck mean
