There's great power in deference. You ask somebody 'what' or 'how' questions. People love to be asked how to do something. They feel powerful, and from a deferential position, you've actually granted that power, and you're the one that now actually has the upper hand in the conversation.

Christopher Voss

Categorized in : You People Love Power

Emotions are one of the main things that derail communication. Once people get upset at one another, rational thinking goes out of the window.

Christopher Voss

communication people window thinking

The secret to gaining the upper hand in a negotiation is to give the other side the illusion of control. Don't try to force your opponent to admit that you are right. Ask questions, that begin with 'How?' or 'What?' so your opponent uses mental energy to figure out the answer.

Christopher Voss

control you illusion energy

Price doesn't make deals, and salary doesn't control your career.

Christopher Voss

price control your salary

Successful negotiation is not about getting to 'yes'; it's about mastering 'no' and understanding what the path to an agreement is.

Christopher Voss

about negotiation understanding path

Body language and tone of voice - not words - are our most powerful assessment tools.

Christopher Voss

words voice language body

Negotiation is often described as the art of letting the other side have your way. You have to give the other side a chance to put stuff on the table voluntarily.

Christopher Voss

you chance way art

In my years as the FBI's lead international kidnapping negotiator, I learned an important fundamental lesson: Hostage negotiation is often nothing more than a business transaction.

Christopher Voss

lesson nothing important business

When it comes to salary negotiation, don't forget that salary is only one term of employment. What else is on the table - vacation time, benefits, bonuses, flex days? Before determining that these terms are 'must-haves' or 'giveaways' to get a bigger salary, find out what the counterpart has to offer.

Christopher Voss

salary vacation time forget

Emotions aren't the obstacles to a successful negotiation; they are the means.

Christopher Voss

means emotions obstacles negotiation

As a negotiator, you should strive for a reputation of being fair. Your reputation precedes you. Let it precede you in a way that paves success.

Christopher Voss

you reputation success way

The most dangerous negotiation is the one you don't know you're in.

Christopher Voss

know you negotiation dangerous

In a job negotiation, the implementation of that deal is your success that also causes the company to succeed.

Christopher Voss

your job succeed success

Salary negotiations shouldn't be limited to just salary. Salary pays your mortgage, but terms build your career.

Christopher Voss

your career just salary

In reality, every single negotiation involves another commodity that's far more important to us, which is time - minutes, hours, our investment in time. So even if you're talking about dollars, the commodity of time is always there because there has to be a discussion about how the commodity of dollars is moved.

Christopher Voss

you important time reality

If you're going to play the bargaining game, you just need to make the other side mad. You want them to get a little annoyed. Then you know that you've come in with a good price.

Christopher Voss

game good you mad

The sweetest two words in any negotiation are actually, 'That's right.' Before you convince them to see what you're trying to accomplish, you have to say the things to them that will get them to say, 'That's right.'

Christopher Voss

words will see you

The moment you've convinced someone that you truly understand her dreams and feelings, mental and behavioral change becomes possible, and the foundation for a breakthrough has been laid.

Christopher Voss

dreams moment you change

What drives you? What's your motivation? That's not emotion. That's passion. It's a different word.

Christopher Voss

your you passion emotion

There is great power in deference. Deference works with everybody.

Christopher Voss

everybody great great-power power

The No. 1 rule in any negotiation is don't take yourself hostage. People do this to themselves all the time by being desperate for 'yes' or afraid of 'no,' so they don't ask for what they really want. Instead, they ask for what they can realistically get. I've heard many people say, 'Well, that's a non-starter, so we won't even bring it up.'

Christopher Voss

people-say yourself time people