There's never a false note in a Berg novel. Augusten Burroughs More Quotes by Augusten Burroughs More Quotes From Augusten Burroughs I think that the Internet is our most profound and beautiful achievement. It is magnificent. We have the Internet as a layer of our thinking that doesn't control us, we control it, yet we don't have to be aware of it. It will be like a suit that really fits well. Augusten Burroughs beautiful profound thinking Maybe it was a Patty Hearst thing. Stockholm syndrome or whatever it's called when you're being held against your will but then you become sucked in and fall in love. Or if not exactly love, you fall into something you can't see out of. 'I can't shoot a machine gun' becomes 'Hey, this hardly has any kick-back! Augusten Burroughs falling-in-love gun love-you I did not consider him to be any kind of a genius. I considered him deeply lacking in the area that mattered most in life. Star quality. Augusten Burroughs quality genius stars As a young child I had Santa and Jesus all mixed up. I could identify Coke or Pepsi with just one sip, but I could not tell you for sure why they strapped Santa to a cross. Had he missed a house? Had a good little girl somewhere in the world not received the doll he'd promised her, making the father angry? Augusten Burroughs girl children jesus Most everybody had made at least one bad, drunken decision in their lives. Called an ex at two in the morning. Or perhaps has a little too much to drink on a second date and wept inconsolably while revealing how simply damaged one was, while nonetheless retaining an uncommonly large capacity for love. That kind of thing was, while regrettable, at least comprehensible. But waking up with someone generationally inappropriate, like your grandfather's best buddy? Augusten Burroughs decision morning two Childhood is what ended me up in the hospital and teetering on the edge of deathly alcoholism. It was really good for me to accept it. To accept all the embarrassment and the shame so I don't feel like I used to. Augusten Burroughs embarrassment shame childhood This is what happens when you go against the grain of truth. You get splinters later on. Augusten Burroughs splinters grain happens Fact: upon locking yourself our of your apartment you will immediately need to use the bathroom. Fact: and then you will stand in place and watch your door. You will just stare. As though rebuffed by it. As though it has done this to you. Augusten Burroughs doors watches needs I'll always write about what's going on in my life and the reason for that is it's not actually because I'm so fascinated with myself, it's because I can't think. I can't think like have thoughts in my head and think them through and come to a conclusion. It's like math for me. Augusten Burroughs math writing thinking No matter what I've written, someone somewhere has come up to me and said, "Me too." The truth can be offensive, but it's always nourishing, in a way. You recognize it. You can feel it. And even if [readers] think, "My god, I would never get in those situations," within those ridiculous circumstances that I have created for myself, they know the way I respond is probably what they would do too. Augusten Burroughs matter way thinking I remember, no matter how impossible it seemed that any given day would end, it always did. This one would, too. Augusten Burroughs matter impossible remember Even painfully shy and awkward people are not painfully shy or awkward when they are alone. The way to access this natural, comfortable alone-self when you are with others is by choosing to forbid yourself to wonder what "they" are thinking. Instead, force yourself to exist in the instant, then take it- and give it- as it comes. Augusten Burroughs self people thinking I came to think that maybe God was what you believed in because you needed to feel you weren’t alone. Maybe God was simply that part of yourself that was always there and always strong, even when you were not. Augusten Burroughs strong inspiration thinking When I ate vanilla frosting straight from the can, I could feel God standing right nest to me like a real best friend, watching, and smiling, and wishing he had a mouth. Augusten Burroughs real mouths wish My mistake was in underestimating the emotional force of a song you have already hear a thousand times. Augusten Burroughs emotional mistake song You cannot be a prisoner of your past against your will. Because you can only live in the past inside your mind. Augusten Burroughs your-past mind past I hate news and information and anything that threatens to puncture the bubble of oblivion in which I live. Augusten Burroughs news information hate My attraction had been immediate and profound. And it had nothing to do with the way he looked. My attraction was to what resided between his lines. Augusten Burroughs lines profound way The reason I know what we are to each other is because we fight freely and almost constantly, about even the smallest thing. In fact, once we didn't speak for an entire week because he didn't like the way I loaded his dishwasher...I can't decide if we're exact opposites, or somehow exactly the same except for minor cosmetic differences. I do know that all of his friends hate me and all of my friends hate him. We drive each other crazy in ways that nobody else can even touch. We never bore each other. And we both realize what a rare thing this is. Augusten Burroughs crazy hate fighting God, I felt certain, did not mind that I didn’t press my hands together to pray. I was casual, but I was sincere. I knew that God existed as the Correct Answer inside my chest. Augusten Burroughs mind together hands
