To the people who've got iPhones: you just bought one, you didn't invent it! Marcus Brigstocke More Quotes by Marcus Brigstocke More Quotes From Marcus Brigstocke I don't mind not being cool; I wear a cardigan. Marcus Brigstocke cardigansbeing-coolmind Christians, you and your churches don't get to be millionaires while other people have nothing at all. They're your bloody rules! Either stick to them or abandon the faith. Marcus Brigstocke churchchristianpeople I'm more pompous and self-assured and determined that if - you know - if the truth can be told so as to be understood, it will be believed. Marcus Brigstocke pompousdeterminedself This goes out to the followers of the three Abrahamic religions: To the Jews, Christians, and Muslims. It's just a little thing, really. But do you think that when you're done smashing up the world and blowing each other to bits and demanding special privileges while you're at it... do you think the rest of us could have our planet back? Marcus Brigstocke specialchristianthinking Never Google yourself. Seriously, don't! Marcus Brigstocke google If Pac-Man had affected us as kids, we'd all be running around in dark rooms, munching pills and listening to repetitive electronic music. Marcus Brigstocke runningmotivationalinspirational I realised that to compare your insides with other people's outsides leads to unhappiness. Marcus Brigstocke compareunhappinesspeople I find it hard to get enthusiastic about hotels because, as a touring comic, I spend a lot of time in them. Marcus Brigstocke hotelcomictouring I became hugely overweight and then hated myself because it was a form of self-abuse, something over which I had no control. I think the thing compulsive over-eaters want to achieve is that stuffed-full Christmas afternoon feeling. Marcus Brigstocke selffeelingsthinking I think Ross Noble is the only person that I've seen really storm a stand-up slot at a festival, and that was when he led 3,000 people on a conga out of the tent and across the entire site to a vegetarian food truck. Marcus Brigstocke stormpeoplethinking The most successful comics are always the hardest-working ones. Marcus Brigstocke hardestsuccessful No one wants life to end. It was bad enough when my last tour came to an end. Marcus Brigstocke lastsenoughwant I'm best known as a stand-up comedian, but I'm a good actor in the right role. Marcus Brigstocke comedianrolesactors And much as I enjoy writing and creating stuff, I don't enjoy it so much that I am willing to give up any time that could otherwise be spent performing. Marcus Brigstocke creatinggiving-upwriting Guilt is feeling bad about what you have done; shame is feeling bad about who you are - all it is, is muddling up things you have done with who you are. Marcus Brigstocke guiltdonefeelings The basic function of a comic is stand-up because it's so straightforward and simple. If the audience don't laugh, you didn't do your job. I've had some audiences where I didn't care if they laughed or not because they were either too drunk or stupid. Marcus Brigstocke simplestupidjobs Jim Henson was an absolute genius. Marcus Brigstocke absolutesgenius Offence is important; that's how you know you care about things. Imagine a life where you're not offended. So dull. Marcus Brigstocke careimportantdull I rarely fly, for environmental reasons more than anything else. Marcus Brigstocke environmentalreason I have a very good memory for scripts. I can watch a show I like once, then remember about 90% of the script. But ask me who was in it, and I wouldn't have a clue. Marcus Brigstocke scriptsmemorieswatches
