We typically think we’re going to find the perfect mate who’s going to solve all our problems and make our life perfect and that is just unrealistic. We fall in love with human beings, and human being have cracks and we actually love people for their vulnerability.

Paul Hokemeyer

More Quotes by Paul Hokemeyer
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The most significant and destructive characteristic of addictions is that they occur in isolation

Paul Hokemeyer

We gain self esteem by doing esteemable acts

Paul Hokemeyer

Apologizing is a concrete action that deepens trust, respect and intimacy

Paul Hokemeyer

Change is hard. That's why propelling away from discomfort is easier than moving toward a fantasy goal.

Paul Hokemeyer

Regardless of where you stood on Trump, his victory disrupted the status quo, brought anger out of the shadows and barbed human relations.

Paul Hokemeyer

The point of therapy is to give you clarity and guidance to go out and live a rich and meaningful life. As such, it should be structured in such a way that has a beginning, middle and end. Each stage should have clearly articulated goals. So the first stage involves getting to your vulnerability. This takes time and the feeling of trust and respect for your therapist. The middle stage involves coming up with a plan of action and the final stage involves implementing the action plan into your life.

Paul Hokemeyer

(W)hile challenging, mental health issues can actually make relationships stronger. When addictions or mental health issues exist in the context of a romantic relationship, the couple must learn to set boundaries, communicate painful truths, and tolerate the often imperfect process of recovery."

Paul Hokemeyer

Compassion fatigue is a well-established concept in the realm of health care providers. First observed in nurses who worked in emergency rooms, it describes the sense of helplessness and hopelessness that can overtake a person providing care for someone whose suffering seems never-ending and insurmountable.

Paul Hokemeyer

Compulsive workers tend to be overly sensitive and suffer from intense emotions including depression and anxiety.

Paul Hokemeyer

In order to get our country back on track, we must focus first and foremost on reducing the gulf between the haves and the have-nots. This can only occur by reinvesting in the emotional and physical well-being of the American family in the full range of its expression.

Paul Hokemeyer

In the end, it doesn't matter what people think. Love is a felt experience, not a visible one.

Paul Hokemeyer

One of the gifts of aging in recovery is the ability to ignore the noise and distractions of life. In long-term sobriety, people are able to focus on the qualitative aspects of their lives, like relationships, meaningful work and peace of mind, and let go of the neurotic pursuit for quantitative fulfillment, such as power, property and prestige.

Paul Hokemeyer

Over the past decade that I've been working with relational and addictive disorders among America's elite men, women and families, I've seen extraordinary healing occur among the ashes of professional, personal and political wastelands.

Paul Hokemeyer

Sweeping and dramatic changes make for good theater, but in real life, they're not effective.

Paul Hokemeyer

The most attractive people are those who make others feel attractive. Attractiveness requires an other focus rather than a self-obsession.

Paul Hokemeyer

Human beings are built for connection — it's wired into the depths of our being, It's also complicated and multi-dimensional. This is why we're the healthiest and happiest when we're connected to a group of people rather then depending on a single person for all of our emotional and physical needs

Paul Hokemeyer

Instead of the personal being political, as was the case in second-generation feminism, today the political has become personal. It adds to, rather than helping solve, the emotional and physical challenges of its citizens.

Paul Hokemeyer

Therapy provides you with a frame to sort out... issues. It’s a safe, contained and guided space that enables you put your issues out to the world, analyze and come up with a plan of action to resolve them.

Paul Hokemeyer

Divorce is a very difficult decision to make and no one makes it lightly.

Paul Hokemeyer

In my experience working with patients, I’ve found that the universe can be an extraordinary beacon, no matter who we are and what our backgrounds are. When we attune ourselves to its frequency, it often answers our expectations and intentions. It also protects us from grave dangers. And, over time, it guides us to powerful places we might never have even imagined.

Paul Hokemeyer