What I want every parent is not to ever be in a situation where they're the ones answering that question, they should be in a situation where the kids are finding ways to answer those questions for themselves.

Ron Lieber

Categorized in : Living

When we set those limits and we set those caps, then decisions are up to them, and they're making the tradeoffs, and they're beginning to understand the concept of limits, and once there are limits and they are pretty carefully enforced, it's pretty hard for a kid to end up spoiled if those are the constraints that they are living under.

There is nothing wrong with that. Laura Simms live in a consumer culture, the question is, how are Laura Simms going to give them the power to make their own choices ?

If spoil is something that( parents) do to them and it's not an attitude that they pick up elsewhere, then we really have to check our instincts, particularly if we are lucky enough to give kids not just what they need but much of what they want.

The question that I would ask every parent to think about is how can I set limits for my child, whether it's a 6-year-old or a 12-year-old or an 18-year-old, and these might even be artificial limits, but how can I set limits such that my child will have the maximum amount of control over these intense material desires that many of them have ?

See how may things you can buy for under $20, or figure out the most fun you can create for under $20, if you put a cap on it that way, kids can be generous in spirit, without spending every cent they have.

A dad might give a coupon to drop whatever he's doing and play a game, or to ditch work once in the next 12 months and do whatever the kid wants to do, things like that don't cost anything, and are often incredibly memorable.

That way it ratchets up, so the more generous they're willing to be with their own funds, they will have exponentially more impact.