When an introvert cares about someone, she also wants contact, not so much to keep up with the events of the other person's life, but to keep up with what's inside: the evolution of ideas, values, thoughts, and feelings. Laurie Helgoe More Quotes by Laurie Helgoe More Quotes From Laurie Helgoe As an introvert, you can be your own best friend or your worst enemy. The good news is we generally like our own company, a quality that extroverts often envy. We find comfort in solitude and know how to soothe ourselves. Even our willingness to look at ourselves critically is often helpful.But, we can go too far. We can hoard responsibility and overlook the role others play. We can kick ourselves when we're down. How many times have you felt lousy about something, only to get mad at yourself for feeling lousy? Laurie Helgoe worst-enemy responsibility play Introverts often assume what's inside is visible on the outside. We don't have to invent or fake the emotion; we just need to allow it to be seen! Laurie Helgoe fake emotion needs A good rule of thumb is that any environment that consistently leaves you feeling bad about who you are is the wrong environment. Laurie Helgoe introvert thumbs feelings Introvert conversations are like jazz. Each player gets to solo for a nice stretch before the other player comes in and does his solo. Laurie Helgoe nice player doe Extroverts want us to have fun, because they assume we want what they want. And sometimes we do. But "fun" itself is a "bright" word, the kind of word that comes with flashing lights and an exclamation point! One of Merriam-Webster's definitions of "fun" is "violent or excited activity or argument." The very word makes me want to sit in a dimly lit room with lots of pillows-by myself. Laurie Helgoe exclamation-points light fun When an introvert is quiet, don't assume he is depressed, snobbish or socially deficient. Laurie Helgoe introvert assuming quiet If you ask an introvert a question, wait until she thinks about it. Introverts think before speaking, not through speaking. If you want to get to the good stuff, you need to slow down. Laurie Helgoe waiting needs thinking America is a noisy culture, unlike, say, Finland, which values silence. Individualism, dominant in the U.S. and Germany, promotes the direct, fast-paced style of communication associated with extraversion. Collectivistic societies, such as those in East Asia, value privacy and restraint, qualities more characteristic of introverts. Laurie Helgoe communication silence america If the extrovert is trying to "cheer up" the introvert - extroverts are programmed to seek social rewards! - he or she may feel like a failure if the introvert remains unmoved. Laurie Helgoe cheer may trying Whatever kind of introvert you are, some people will find you 'too much' in some ways and 'not enough' in others. Laurie Helgoe too-much people way An introvert may feel asocial when pressured to go to a party that doesn't interest her. But for her, the event does not promise meaningful interaction. In fact, she knows that the party will leave her feeling more alone and alienated. Laurie Helgoe party feelings meaningful For the introvert, conversation can be a very limited forum for self expression. When a song moves you, a writer gets you or a theory enlightens you, you and its creator are connecting in a realm beyond sight or speech. Laurie Helgoe sight song moving If the extrovert watches and listens a bit more, the introvert's true mood will become more evident. Laurie Helgoe introvert extroverts watches Introverts tend to internalize problems. In other words, we place the source of problems within and blame ourselves. Though introverts may also externalize and see others as the problem, it's more convenient to keep the problem "in house." Internalizers tend to be reliable and responsible, but we can also be very hard on ourselves. Laurie Helgoe blame house may Introverts are more effective leaders of proactive employees. When you have a creative, energetic work force, an introvert is going to draw out that energy better. Laurie Helgoe energy leader creative Extroverts are more attuned to social rewards, so they are more likely to flash a smile for effect. A notable exception are introverts - like me - whom I call "socially accessible" introverts. We have been trained well to smile and nod, which can place a burden on our processing efforts. Laurie Helgoe extroverts rewards effort One of the best places for a shy person to meet people is in a coffee shop. If you are a reader, bring a book and read it there - that gives a guy something to ask you about. Same goes for sketching, writing, or any hobby you can take with you. Laurie Helgoe coffee writing book Introvert, her brain responds with a high level of activity, it is as if several lights start flashing on a control panel. Laurie Helgoe levels light brain This is why it is sometimes hard for introverts to find words: we really hate to compromise, and words are always a compromise. Laurie Helgoe compromise hate sometimes Asking others for input puts you in the driver's seat, and may feel less awkward than having to watch yourself on video. Laurie Helgoe awkward video watches
