When people meet me, many times they're very surprised because they expect someone who is kind of wacky with seven piercings and very hip and cool and New York City, and I'm not. Augusten Burroughs More Quotes by Augusten Burroughs More Quotes From Augusten Burroughs Acceptance, when it comes, arrives in waves: Listen with your chest. You will feel a pendulum swing within you, favoring one direction or another. And that is your answer. The answer is always inside your chest. The right choice weighs more. That's how you know. It causes you to lean in its direction. Augusten Burroughs one-direction swings acceptance Glen had a disability more disfiguring than a burn and more terrifying than cancer. Glen had been born on the day after Christmas. "My parents just combine my birthday with Christmas, that's all," he explained. But we knew this was a lie. Glen's parents just wrapped a couple of his Christmas presents in birthday-themed wrapping paper, stuck some candles in a supermarket cake, and had a dinner of Christmas leftovers. Augusten Burroughs cancer couple christmas I understood at once, I am not living, but actively dying. I am smoking, living unhealthily. I’m shutting down. I need to go the other way, inside. And it was so clear to me what I was doing. It was suddenly perfectly clear. I understood, I need to write. Live here, in my words, and my head. I need to go inside, that’s all. No big, complicated, difficult thing. I just need to go in reverse. And not worry about what to write about, but just write. Or, if I’m going to worry about what to write, then do this worrying on paper, so at least I’m writing and will have a record of the anxiety. Augusten Burroughs smoking worry writing Long marriages have ended in ruin over tiny and insignificant grievances that were never properly aired and instead grew into a brittle barnacle of hatred. Augusten Burroughs ruins hatred long There is no shame in being hungry for another person. There is no shame in wanting very much to share your life with somebody. Augusten Burroughs hungry shame share Confidence is a reduction of your own interest in whether others are thinking about you and if so, what they're thinking. Augusten Burroughs thinking-about-you reduction interest The truth about not having everything you need, not being fully equipped or qualified or allowed is that these limits are the nebula of creative genius. When you have total freedom i.e: no limits at all. You stop trying to make the best of things Augusten Burroughs nebula creative trying And in my mind, this settles the issue. I would never drink cologne, and am therefore not an alcoholic. Augusten Burroughs issues alcohol drinking Any damage that's been done, you have to fix yourself because it needs fixing and there is nobody else to do the work. Blame may well be justified, but it's not going to move you forward in your life. Augusten Burroughs done moving needs As I sat in the hot, salty water, I thought, 'No wonder Mr. Bubble always gives me a urinary tract infection and hives.' Mr. Bubble was for common people. Mr. Bubble was for my so-called brother, their true child. I was a Vanderbilt. I should bathe in condiments and seasonings. Augusten Burroughs brother children people His laugh is made if porch swings and lemonade Augusten Burroughs swings made laughing To me, these people were as exotic as animals in a zoo. I'd never seen anything like them. I wasn't sure whether I wanted to be one of them or simply live among them taking notes and photographs. Augusten Burroughs animal zoos people Women smirk at baldness. How adorable would they find it if they began to lose their breasts in their late twenties? If both tits just shrunk up - unevenly I might add - and eventually turned into wine-cork nubs. Then it would be a different story. Then men would get the pity that they deserve. As far as I'm concerned, baldness is the male breast cancer only worse, because almost everyone gets it. True, it's not life threatening. Just social-life threatening. But in New York City, there is no difference. Augusten Burroughs cancer wine new-york Imperfections are attractive when their owners are happy with them. Augusten Burroughs attractive owners imperfection It was like living in a new house. I saw the undersides of tables, walked through the tangle of chair legs. It would be good to be a dog, I thought. You would feel safe surrounded by all of these leggy objects that never tried to run away. Augusten Burroughs dog house running Never work with children, puppies or bulimics. Augusten Burroughs puppy children Everybody in recovery smokes. If you don't like smoking, don't even bother trying to get sober. Just stay drunk. Augusten Burroughs recovery drunk smoking You manufacture beauty with your mind Augusten Burroughs mind It turned out I had always been a smoker. I just hadn't had any cigarettes. Augusten Burroughs smokers cigarette My instinct was always have your gun in your hand. Especially when you are telling somebody to do something. But, in fact, the police academy discourages this. They feel your gun should rarely, if ever, be brought out of its holster. Most certainly not when children are involved, which is exactly when I saw myself using my gun most often. A truant teenager loitering outside a movie theater is going to be far more motivated to return to school when he has the barrel of a .45 pressed against his cheek. Augusten Burroughs teenager children school
