When they're born outside, crows come and pluck their eyes out. David Sedaris More Quotes by David Sedaris More Quotes From David Sedaris I see you that have a little swimming mouse David Sedaris mice swimming littles Sometimes I say to myself, 'Oh, I wish I could win a Tony Award', although I'm not that bothered. David Sedaris awards wish winning At first, writing for The New Yorker was very scary to me. I couldn't imagine anything that I would write in that typeface. David Sedaris scary writing firsts Being locked up is one thing, but to have no concept of confinement, to be ignorant of its terms and never understand that struggle is useless - that's what hell must be like. David Sedaris ignorant useless struggle Often I'd take out my magnifying glass and stare into the chaos that was her face. David Sedaris chaos glasses faces The only bright spot in the entire evening was the presence of Kevin "Tubby" Matchwell, the eleven-year-old porker who tackled the role of Santa with a beguiling authenticity. The false beard tended to muffle his speech, but they could hear his chafing thighs all the way to the North Pole. David Sedaris evening christmas years I meet people at book signings. My record now, for signing, is ten and a half hours in one sitting. David Sedaris sitting book people Scream at the mangled leather carcass lying at the foot of the stairs, and my parents would roar with laughter. "That's what you get for leaving your wallet on the kitchen table. David Sedaris laughter dog lying Every gathering has its moment. As an adult, I distract myself by trying to identify it, dreading the inevitable downswing that is sure to follow. The guests will repeat themselves one too many times, or you'll run out of dope or liquor and realize that it was all you ever had in common. David Sedaris dope running trying They were Jesuits," she told me. "That means they believe in God but not in terlet paper. You should have seen their underwear. Disgusting. David Sedaris should-have mean believe If I'm riding my bike I just replay the same scenarios over and over in my head, like I haven't had a new mental adventure since high school. So that's what I like about books on tape, so my mind can't wander anywhere. David Sedaris adventure book school I needed to temper (my dad's) enthusiasm a bit (about attending Princeton), and so I announced that I would be majoring in patricide...My mom was actually jealous. David Sedaris jealous dad mom there's a reason regular people don't appear on TV: we're boring. David Sedaris boring tvs people Actually I liked that 'Let the Right One In,' that Swedish vampire movie. David Sedaris swedish vampire-movie vampire The landscape is best described as 'pedestrian hostile.' It's pointless to try to take a walk, so I generally just stay in the room and think about shooting myself in the head. David Sedaris shooting trying thinking I was just struggling with my inner vachette and pondering the depths of my own inhumanity. David Sedaris pondering depth struggle A zoo is a good place to make a spectacle of yourself, as the people around you have creepier, more photogenic things to look at. David Sedaris zoos people looks There seemed to be some correlation between devotion to God and a misguided zeal for marshmallows. David Sedaris misguided marshmallow devotion-to-god but I have no mind for business and considered staying awake to be enough of an accomplishment. David Sedaris lazy accomplishment mind Because I've always been a fairly nervous person. David Sedaris nervous persons
