Where am I going and why am I in this handbasket? ~Bumper sticker~ Darynda Jones More Quotes by Darynda Jones More Quotes From Darynda Jones ...and then she glared at me, the same glare my stepmother used to give me when I gave her the Nazi salute. That woman was so touchy about her resemblance to Hitler. Darynda Jones naziusedgiving He was like chocolate-covered heroin, and I was an addict through and through. Darynda Jones heroincoveredchocolate She shook her head then took off again, and I found myself struggling to keep up with her in my bunny slippers. With a sigh, I realized I was getting way too much exercise. I'd just have to counteract it later with cake. Darynda Jones cakestruggleexercise I sort of got off on making bad guys sweat. Which was not unlike my love of making good guys sweat, just by very different means. Darynda Jones sweatmenmean Yeah, but what happens if life hands me pickles? - Bumper sticker Darynda Jones bumper-stickerpickleshands Sorry. i just can't seem to help myself. My brain is freaking out. Two predawn mornings in a row. It doesn't know what to think, how to act. I'll have a talk with it later. Perhaps get it some counseling. Darynda Jones sorrymorningthinking I’m Charlotte Davidson: private investigator, police consultant, all -around badass. Or I could’ve been a badass, had I stuck with those lessons in mixed martial arts. I was only in that class to learn how to kill people with paper. Darynda Jones badassclassart I do not," I felt oddly appalled by her statement. "I'm an excellent liar. Ask my dentist. He swears I floss regularly. Darynda Jones dentistexcellentliars While I was busy reminiscing about my first day on earth, I had forgotten that I was falling to my death. Damned ADD. Darynda Jones reminiscingaddfall I pointed in the general vicinity of my left ovary, "This is Beam Me Up." Then to my right. "And this is Scotty." Garret chuckled and buried his face in his hands. He asked. Darynda Jones ovariesfaceshands Cook, at that moment in time, I would have sold my body for a mocha latte Darynda Jones mochabodymoments I had yet to be a mother, but I would have thought it difficult to forget something it took thirty-seven hours of excruciating pain to push out from between my legs ~Charley Davidson Darynda Jones legspainmother Jesus may love you, but i'm his favourite Darynda Jones love-youmayjesus An integral part of any best friend's job is to immediately clear your computer history if you die. Darynda Jones clearcomputerjobs Hey, I'm going to Super Dog for a quick bite and to pass along a message from a dead guy to his girlfriend. You should come with me." "I can't go with you." "Is it because of my questionable morals?" "No, it's because it's three o'clock in the afternoon and I have to pick up Amber from school." "Oh, right. So the morals thing doesn't bother you? Darynda Jones girlfrienddogschool But give up my business? The same business I'd built from the ground up with my own two hands and designer Louis Vuittons? The same business for which I'd sacrificed blood, sweat, and tears? Well, maybe not sweat and tears, but there was blood. Lots of blood. Give it up? Not likely. Besides, what else would I do? I totally should've gone to Hogwarts when I had the chance. Darynda Jones sweatgiving-uptwo You called me at four thirty-four....I hate four thirty-four. I think four thirty-four should be banned and replaced with something more reasonable, like, say, nine twelve. Darynda Jones twelvehatethinking Then I asked her if she wanted to to the funeral, and my God, the look on her face. You'd think I'd asked her to drown the neighbor's cat." Admittedly, drowning the neighbor's cat didn't really clue me in as much as I would've liked. "So, she was angry?" He blinked back to me and stared. Like a long time. Darynda Jones catlongthinking My prodding me didn't elicit a reaction. His unseeing eyes stared straight through me. Which was odd. He'd seemed so sane huddled in Cookie's trunk. Darynda Jones cookiesoddeye Somebody has to be sane during regular business hours, and it's not going to be me, missy. Darynda Jones hourssane
