Where have you been?" I stepped into my apartment and met Uncle Bob's glare with one of my own. "Out trying to pass myself off as a movie producer to get hot guys to sleep with me. Where have you been?

Darynda Jones

Categorized in : Sleep Guy Uncles

What do I look like, the ghost whisperer? They're loony. I'd have better luck talking to my cousin Alfonso's Chihuahua. At least Tía Juana knows Spanish." "Your cousin's Chihuahua is named Tía Juana?

cousin luck talking

Let me express how much I don't care on a scale of one to bite me... by Darynda Jones

Let me express how much I don't care on a scale of one to bite me," the former detective said.

scales detectives care

SOME GIRLS WEAR PRADA. SOME GIRLS WEAR GLOCK 17 SHORT RECOIL SPRING-LOADED SEMIAUTOMATIC PISTOLS WITH A LOADED CHAMBER INDICATOR AND A NONSLIP GRIP. - T-SHIRT

pistols girl spring

I can hear other things, too. Before you came around, I had no idea a man could make a girl scream like that. Reyes seems very talented.

girl men ideas

Can you find out how owns C and R industries? They bought the old abandoned mental asylum downtown." "That old thing? What are they going to do with it?" "I don't know. I was hoping their overcompensating sign would say, but it just says 'private property' and shouts lots of threats in capital letters, all of which I plan to completely ignore later.

downtown old-things letters

I know how you feel. I’ve been analyzed to death as well. Not, like, professionally, though I did date a psych major who said I had attention issues. Or at least that’s what I think he said. I wasn’t really paying attention. Anyway, where was I?

psych issues thinking

He's helped me a lot over the years." "I'm sure he has. You scratch his back. He scratches yours." "I have skin allergies. I'm itchy.

allergies skins years

Garrett must have sensed I was awake. "Hey Detective," he said to Uncle Bob, who was now trudging across the grating toward us. "I think we're losing her. I have no choice but to perform mouth-to-mouth." "Don't you dare," I said, my lids still in lockdown.

uncles choices thinking

And," Amber said, practically drooling as she ogled him, "it's tradition for new arrivals to help with the pep rally." Brooklyn quirked her lips in doubt. "Tradition?" "It's a new tradition," Amber shot back. "Clearly the deeper meaning of the word has escaped you.

brooklyn amber doubt

Garret Swopes was a lot like a hot gay friend only he wasn't gay, which was too bad because then I could tell him how hot he was without him getting the wrong idea.

gay hot ideas

Friends don't let friends get killed by serial killers by Darynda Jones

Friends don't let friends get killed by serial killers

serials serial-killer killers

Reyes leaned back against the bar, crossed his arms over his chest, and studied me from beneath those same ridiculously long lashes. Men and their freaking lashes. It was so unfair. Like the exorbitant cost of designer shoes. Or world hunger.

shoes men long

Least he's committed," I offered. "Or needs to be. by Darynda Jones

Least he's committed," I offered. "Or needs to be.

committed needs

She still wasn't convinced. "So, if you were a guy, would you be into me?" "Hon, if I were a guy, I'd be gay." "Yeah, me, too.

yeah gay guy

That boy needs a hobby." "Stalking is a hobby." "So is serial kil... by Darynda Jones

That boy needs a hobby." "Stalking is a hobby." "So is serial killing.

hobbies boys needs

If Cameron kidnaps you, kills you, then buries your lifeless body in a shallow grave in the desert where your remains lay decomposing for several decades until they're accidentally discovered by some guy on a journey to awaken his spirit at the Salinas Pueblo Missions, can I have your iMac?" I gaped at her. "You've really thought this out. "I love your iMac." "I love my iMac too, and you're not getting her." "But you'll be decomposing.

desert guy journey

Glitch was about as wild and unpredictable as a carrot stick. by Darynda Jones

Glitch was about as wild and unpredictable as a carrot stick.

glitches carrots sticks

Try writing an entire story with only a thousand words at your disposal. It’s a terrific lesson in economy and precession.

stories writing trying

Writing is transcendental. It is a form of expression, a form of art that you can take anywhere. That you can do anywhere. It poses the deepest questions in the universe. It generates emotion. It elicits empathy, promotes learning, creates an intellect you simply cannot get from any other medium. For me, it is air.

air writing art

The point is, stories can be all lengths. Never underestimate the... by Darynda Jones

The point is, stories can be all lengths. Never underestimate the power of “less is more.

underestimate less-is-more stories