Whoever coined the phrase, killing two birds with one stone, not only hated birds but also thought we needed to conserve stones. Dana Gould More Quotes by Dana Gould More Quotes From Dana Gould If you read angry political blogs, substitute Obama with my daddy and you'll usually learn a lot about the author. Dana Gould daddy politics political Does anyone remember how we used to get cash before ATM's? Did we have to go inside the bank? Then what? We lived like apes! Dana Gould atm cash doe As hipster chicks age, and their skin starts to sag, tramp stamps sink below waistbands, like the sun slipping into the sea. Dana Gould hipster age sea Did you know that Dog Heaven and Cat Hell were the same place? Dana Gould cat dog heaven There's something vaguely erotic about watching a woman eat a banana while cupping two plums. Dana Gould plums erotic two Anything is possible if you believe in yourself, said the guidance counsellor, stifling a laugh. Dana Gould guidance laughing believe In the land of the blind, the one-eyed man will probably end up dating the best looking blind chick. Dana Gould dating land men Since the dawn of time, primitive humans thought, loved and had poetry. They also pooped on everything. It was horrible. Dana Gould primitive horrible dawn Every day is a gift. That said, I've gotten some pretty shitty gifts over the years. Dana Gould said years The hole on the face of an acoustic guitar is called the sound hole. The one of the face of its player is called the sincerity hole. Dana Gould guitar player sound Strap On spelled backwards is No Parts. Just sayin'. Dana Gould just-sayin backwards If you gave a bag of potato chips to the guy who invented Pringles, he'd look at you like you were trying to hand him an abortion. Dana Gould abortion guy hands That which does not kill you isn't finished. Dana Gould finished doe Reality TV is the perfect antidote to people who don't have enough self-centered douchebags in their life. Dana Gould self reality people Wrote a science fiction novel about a man who wins an argument with his wife, but it was rejected for being too farfetched. Dana Gould fiction-novels winning men Do you know what Irish Alzheimer's is? It's when you forget everything but your grudges. Dana Gould alzheimers grudge forget-everything Cotton candy. Like eating a cloud of diabetes. Dana Gould cotton eating clouds If life begins at conception, but you can be born again later, only to live on eternally after death, what's the big deal about anything? Dana Gould after-death born-again bigs I have no ability to develop muscle tone. I could do situps all day and still look like a condom full of walnuts. Dana Gould condom tone looks We would have never gotten mace had someone not thought, There must be a good way to burn someone's eyes. Dana Gould good-way eye way
