You don't want to make an enemy of Piers Morgan. Lynne Truss More Quotes by Lynne Truss More Quotes From Lynne Truss The rule is: don’t use commas like a stupid person. I mean it. Lynne Truss stupid use mean If you still persist in writing, "Good food at it's best", you deserve to be struck by lightning, hacked up on the spot and buried in an unmarked grave. Lynne Truss good-food lightning writing The reason to stand up for punctuation is that without it there is no reliable way of communicating meaning. Lynne Truss vapour punctuation way A Panda walks into a cafe. He orders a sandwich, eats it, then draws a gun and fires two shots into the air. "Why?" asks the confused waiter, as the panda makes toward the exit. The panda produces a badly punctuated wildlife annual and tosses it over his shoulder. "I'm a Panda," he says, at the door. "Look it up." The waiter turns to the relevant entry, and, sure enough, finds an explanation. Panda. Large black and white bear-like mammal, native to China. Eats, shoots and leaves. Lynne Truss confused black-and-white gun In the family of punctuation, where the full stop is daddy and the comma is mummy, and the semicolon quietly practises the piano with crossed hands, the exclamation mark is the big attention-deficit brother who gets overexcited and breaks things and laughs too loudly. Lynne Truss exclamation-marks brother hands Punctuation marks are the traffic signals of language: they tell us to slow down, notice this, take a detour, and stop. Lynne Truss punctuation-marks detours language The rule is: the word 'it's' (with apostrophe) stands for 'it is' or 'it has'. If the word does not stand for 'it is' or 'it has' then what you require is 'its'. This is extremely easy to grasp. Getting your itses mixed up is the greatest solecism in the world of punctuation. No matter that you have a PhD and have read all of Henry James twice. If you still persist in writing, 'Good food at it's best', you deserve to be struck by lightning, hacked up on the spot and buried in an unmarked grave. Lynne Truss lightning doe writing Proper punctuation is both the sign and the cause of clear thinking. Lynne Truss punctuation causes thinking Offence is so easily given. And where the 'minority' issue is involved, the rules seem to shift about: most of the time a person who is female/black/disabled/gay wants this not to be their defining characteristic; you are supposed to be blind to it. But then, on other occasions, you are supposed to observe special sensitivity, or show special respect. Lynne Truss issues black gay Texting is a supremely secretive medium of communication - it's like passing a note - and this means we should be very careful what we use it for. Lynne Truss communication use mean Texting is a fundamentally sneaky form of communication, which we should despise, but it is such a boon we don't care. We are all sneaks now. Lynne Truss texting communication care The reason it's worth standing up for punctuation is not that it's an arbitrary system of notation known only to an over-sensitive elite who have attacks of the vapours when they see it misapplied. The reason to stand up for punctuation is that without it there is no reliable way of communicating meaning. Lynne Truss vapour arbitrary way Truly good manners are invisible: they ease the way for others, without drawing attention to themselves. It is no accident that the word "punctilious" ("attentive to formality or etiquette") comes from the same original root as punctuation. Lynne Truss drawing roots attention There are people who embrace the Oxford comma and those who don't, and I'll just say this: never get between these people when drink has been taken. Lynne Truss taken oxford people I am not against marriage. I lived with someone for 11 years. But we weren't in love, and I thought that was quite important. Lynne Truss important years Thurber was asked by a correspondent: "Why did you have a comma in the sentence, 'After dinner, the men went into the living-room'?" And his answer was probably one of the loveliest things ever said about punctuation. "This particular comma," Thurber explained, "was Ross's way of giving the men time to push back their chairs and stand up. Lynne Truss answers giving men I recently heard of someone studying the ellipsis (or three dots) for a PhD. And, I have to say, I was horrified. The ellipsis is the black hole of the punctuation universe, surely, into which no right-minded person would willingly be sucked, for three years, with no guarantee of a job at the end. Lynne Truss black jobs years We read privately, mentally listening to the author's voice and translating the writer's thoughts. The book remains static and fixed; the reader journeys through it. Lynne Truss voice journey book Old radio comedy makes me laugh, as well as 'I'm Sorry I Haven't a Clue' and comedians like Paul Merton. Lynne Truss comedian sorry laughing The problem is that it has become politically awkward to draw attention to absolutes of bad and good. In place of manners, we now have doctrines of political correctness, against which one offends at one's peril: by means of a considerable circular logic, such offences mark you as reactionary and therefore a bad person. Therefore if you say people are bad, you are bad. Lynne Truss political mean people
