You know, Barack Obama the last ten days was traveling overseas campaigning in Europe and everywhere. It was so successful, campaigning abroad, that he is actually thinking about campaigning here in the United States. David Letterman More Quotes by David Letterman More Quotes From David Letterman Barack Obama said he may negotiate with the Taliban. A lot of people are saying okay, but be careful. But I said this guy has experience negotiating with the enemy. For gosh sake, he lives with his mother-in-law, you know. David Letterman law mother people Hillary Clinton is running for president. This time around, she promises to be warm and approachable. Like me. David Letterman president running promise I can hardly wait until Donald Trump announces his celebrity cabinet. David Letterman trump cabinets waiting Kids in Washington every year have the big Easter egg roll on the White House lawn. The kids found 300 Easter eggs. They also found about 10,000 missing Hillary emails. David Letterman easter kids years Bad news, it's going to be a huge environmental disaster, the oil rig down there in the Gulf of Mexico. The good news is they think now that the oil spill will be diluted by the melting ice caps. David Letterman oil ice thinking Sarah Palin, part-time Governor of Alaska, is angry because Michele Obama is encouraging kids to eat healthy. Sarah Palin believes the government shouldn't tell us what to do. Sarah Palin believes she should tell us what to do. David Letterman alaska believe kids How about this John Kerry controversy? So he's out there in California, tells some kind of joke and it backfires. He's saying he botched the joke. ... This guy can lose elections he's not even in. David Letterman election california guy I don't mind being accused of being a bad comedian and I don't even mind being accused of being a bad talk-show host, but I never want to be accused of being an arrogant, pompous showbiz asshole. David Letterman arrogant comedian mind Insiders say that Trump is running for president as a publicity stunt. That's not the Donald Trump I know. David Letterman publicity president running The president met with BP CEO Tony Hayward, and Obama was demanding that BP clean up the Gulf. And I'm thinking, good luck. They can't even clean up their gas station restrooms. David Letterman good-luck president thinking Hillary Clinton could use one of these Apple Watches. She could hook it up to her secret email account. If you want to contact Hillary, she's at [email protected]. David Letterman email apples secret We make a lot of fun at President Clinton's expense. But this transition is going to be tough because it's been 25 years since this guy has gotten laid in the private sector. David Letterman guy fun years Don't worry. It's just a flesh wound. David Letterman wounds flesh worry To save energy, New York City is now dimming the lights of the skyscrapers and the skyline at night. There's a bad side to this. If you need Batman, you have to text him. David Letterman light new-york night It turns out that President Obama has acid reflux. He had a sore throat, went to the hospital, and they diagnosed it as acid reflux. Talk about irony -- it's not covered by Obamacare. David Letterman acid obamacare president The issue of gay marriage has reached the Supreme Court and observers are analyzing every detail to predict how each justice will vote. Experts say Chief Justice John Roberts is likely to rule in favor of gay marriage based on the fact that he spent Tuesday's hearings watching the Tony Award nominations. David Letterman issues awards gay Donald Trump is talking about running for president. He hasn't made an announcement, but I want to tell you something. The fake suspense is killing me. David Letterman fake running talking Welcome to the program. My name is Dave Letterman, and tonight I'm giving my two-week notice. David Letterman names giving two My good friend Paul Shaffer and I are going to continue in show business. Next month Paul and I will debut our new act at Caesar's Palace with our white tigers. David Letterman good-friend next white Do you know what I'm going to do when I retire? I hope to become the new face of Scientology. David Letterman scientology retiring faces
