You've got a lot of time for abstract thought when you've got your hand stuck up a dead badger. Terry Pratchett More Quotes by Terry Pratchett More Quotes From Terry Pratchett What is magic? There is the wizard's explanation... wizards talk about candles, circles, planets, stars, bananas, chants, runes and the importance of having at least four good meals every day. Terry Pratchett magiccirclesstars An Assassin, a real Assassin had to look like one-black clothes, hood, boots, and all. If they could wear any clothes, any disguise, then what could anyone do but spend all day in a small room with a loaded crossbow pointed at the door? Terry Pratchett small-roomsrealdoors If complete and utter chaos was lightning, then he'd be the sort to stand on a hilltop in a thunderstorm wearing wet copper armour and shouting 'All gods are bastards! Terry Pratchett lightningstupidreligion One of the highlights of the first Good Omens tour was Neil and I walking through New York singing Shoehorn with Teeth. Well, we'd had a good breakfast. And you don't get mugged, either. Terry Pratchett teethsingingnew-york Fantasy doesn't have to be fantastic. American writers in particular find this much harder to grasp. You need to have your feet on the ground as much as your head in the clouds. The cute dragon that sits on your shoulder also craps all down your back, but this makes it more interesting because it gives it an added dimension. Terry Pratchett cloudswritingcute In the words of the philosopher Sceptum, the founder of my profession: am I going to get paid for this? Terry Pratchett philosopherfoundersmoney Lots of people would be as cowardly as me if they were brave enough. Terry Pratchett bravewould-bepeople Of course, it is very important to be sober when you take an exam. Many worthwhile careers in the street-cleansing, fruit-picking and subway-guitar-playing industries have been founded on a lack of understanding of this simple fact. Terry Pratchett guitarcareerssimple I staggered into a Manchester bar late one night on a tour and the waitress said "You look as if you need a Screaming Orgasm". At the time this was the last thing on my mind. Terry Pratchett mindnightneeds Many people, meeting Aziraphale for the first time, formed three impressions: that he was English, that he was intelligent, and that he was gayer than a treeful of monkeys on nitrous oxide. Terry Pratchett threeintelligentpeople One day a tortoise will learn how to fly. Terry Pratchett small-godstortoisesone-day Just call in at the torturer on your way out. See when he can fit you in. Terry Pratchett fitway Tiffany has been apprenticing as a witch by visiting people in need with her mentor. After meeting with one particularly sad case, she tells her mentor, "It shouldn't be like this." Her mentor replies, "There isn't a way things should be. There's just what happens, and what we do. Terry Pratchett mentorpeopleneeds There isn't a way things should be. There's just what happens, and what we do. Terry Pratchett fantasyshouldway Speak softly and employ a huge man with a crowbar. Terry Pratchett speak-softlyspeakmen What have I always believed? That on the whole, and by and large, if a man lived properly, not according to what any priests said, but according to what seemed decent and honest inside, then it would, at the end, more or less, turn out all right. Terry Pratchett honestendsmen I don't want to hurt you, Mistress Weatherwax," said Mrs Gogol. "That's good," said Granny. "I don't want you to hurt me either. Terry Pratchett mistresshurtwant Stop stealing the funeral meats right now, you wee scuggers!" She shouted. The Feegles stopped and stared at her. Then Rob Anybody said: "Socks wi'oot feets? Terry Pratchett stealingfuneralmeat ...Roland de Chumsfanleigh (it wasn't his fault). Terry Pratchett faults Because no man wants to be a coward in front of a cheese. Terry Pratchett cowardwantmen
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