You would not enjoy Nietzsche, sir. He is fundamentally unsound. P. G. Wodehouse More Quotes by P. G. Wodehouse More Quotes From P. G. Wodehouse If men's minds were like dominoes, surely his would be the double blank. P. G. Wodehouse would-bemindmen Alcohol is a misunderstood vitamin. P. G. Wodehouse alcoholcookingdrinking Rugby football is a game I can't claim absolutely to understand in all its niceties, if you know what I mean. I can follow the broad, general principles, of course. I mean to say, I know that the main scheme is to work the ball down the field somehow and deposit it over the line at the other end and that, in order to squalch this programme, each side is allowed to put in a certain amount of assault and battery and do things to its fellow man which, if done elsewhere, would result in 14 days without the option, coupled with some strong remarks from the Bench. P. G. Wodehouse strongfootballmean It has been well said that an author who expects results from a first novel is in a position similar to that of a man who drops a rose petal down the Grand Canyon of Arizona and listens for the echo. P. G. Wodehouse echoeswritingmen Unseen in the background, Fate was quietly slipping lead into the boxing-glove. P. G. Wodehouse unseenfateboxing The least thing upset him on the links. He missed short putts because of the uproar of the butterflies in the adjoining meadows. P. G. Wodehouse upsetbutterflygolf At the age of eleven or thereabouts women acquire a poise and an ability to handle difficult situations which a man, if he is lucky, manages to achieve somewhere in the later seventies. P. G. Wodehouse difficult-situationswomenage This was not Aunt Dahlia, my good and kindly aunt, but my Aunt Agatha, the one who chews broken bottles and kills rats with her teeth. P. G. Wodehouse auntteethbroken She looked as if she had been poured into her clothes and had forgotten to say 'when.' P. G. Wodehouse jeeveswomenclothes I flung open the door. I got a momentary flash of about a hundred and fifteen cats of all sizes and colours scrapping in the middle of the room, and then they all shot past me with a rush and out of the front door; and all that was left of the mobscene was the head of a whacking big fish, lying on the carpet and staring up at me in a rather austere sort of way, as if it wanted a written explanation and apology. P. G. Wodehouse apologycatlying Freddie experienced the sort of abysmal soul-sadness which afflicts one of Tolstoy's Russian peasants when, after putting in a heavy day's work strangling his father, beating his wife, and dropping the baby into the city's reservoir, he turns to the cupboards, only to find the vodka bottle empty. P. G. Wodehouse sadnessbabyfather It was one of the dullest speeches I ever heard. The Agee woman told us for three quarters of an hour how she came to write her beastly book, when a simple apology was all that was required. P. G. Wodehouse apologywritingbook I'm not absolutely certain of the facts, but I rather fancy it's Shakespeare who says that it's always just when a fellow is feeling particularly braced with things in general that Fate sneaks up behind him with the bit of lead piping. P. G. Wodehouse fancyfatefeelings Mike nodded. A sombre nod. The nod Napoleon might have given if somebody had met him in 1812 and said, "So, you're back from Moscow, eh? P. G. Wodehouse moscowmetsmight Luck is a goddess not to be coerced and forcibly wooed by those who seek her favours. From such masterful spirits she turns away. But it happens sometimes that, if we put our hand in hers with the humble trust of a little child, she will have pity on us, and not fail us in our hour of need. P. G. Wodehouse good-luckhumblechildren It is no use telling me there are bad aunts and good aunts. At the core, they are all alike. Sooner or later, out pops the cloven hoof. P. G. Wodehouse jeevesauntuse Well, why do you want a political career? Have you ever been in the House of Commons and taken a good square look at the inmates? As weird a gaggle of freaks and sub-humans as was ever collected in one spot. P. G. Wodehouse careerssquarestaken It's a funny thing about looking for things. If you hunt for a needle in a haystack you don't find it. If you don't give a darn whether you ever see the needle or not it runs into you the first time you lean against the stack. P. G. Wodehouse funny-thingsrunninggiving I don’t know if you have had the same experience, but the snag I always come up against when I’m telling a story is this dashed difficult problem of where to begin it. P. G. Wodehouse come-upproblemstories ...it has been well said that it is precisely these moments when we are feeling that ours is the world and everything that's in it that Fate selects for sneaking up on us with the rock in the stocking. P. G. Wodehouse rocksfatefeelings
