Zombies can't believe the energy we waste on nonfood pursuits. by Patton Oswalt

Zombies can't believe the energy we waste on nonfood pursuits.

Patton Oswalt

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The idea of, 'The journey is the destination' is put into action by browsing in an indie record store. Besides, a human being is a much better guide than a 'More Like This' link on the internet.

records journey ideas

So when you spot violence, or bigotry, or intolerance or fear or just garden-variety misogyny, hatred or ignorance, just look it in the eye and think, 'The good outnumber you, and we always will.'

fear positive inspirational

Is it bad when you refer to all alcohol as "Pain Go Bye-Bye Juice... by Patton Oswalt

Is it bad when you refer to all alcohol as "Pain Go Bye-Bye Juice"?

heartache pain bye

What you want to worship above youth, I think, is beauty, and beauty is so beyond just appearances after a while. Because you can be with someone who's good-looking; if they open their mouths and they're an idiot, then they cease to be beautiful very quickly.

mouths beautiful thinking

I fantasize and idealize myself as Bugs Bunny, but I know deep do... by Patton Oswalt

I fantasize and idealize myself as Bugs Bunny, but I know deep down I'm Daffy Duck.

daffy-duck bunnies ducks

If you hit a midget on the head with a stick, he turns into 40 go... by Patton Oswalt

If you hit a midget on the head with a stick, he turns into 40 gold coins.

coins sticks gold

I want to experience as many different tastes, sights, emotions, conflicts, and cultures as possible, so that I can expand the canvas of my memory and enrich my comedy.

different sight memories

Growing up there are always those kids who are only happy when they are making someone else upset. That is unfortunately just how some people are. Some people are just born with bad wiring.

growing-up kids people

I identify myself as a stand-up first. Even though lately there's been an explosion of acting on my schedule.

schedules acting firsts

You have to be ruthless with yourself, in terms of being honest about what is working and what is not.

ruthless being-honest honest

We would not be here if humanity were inherently evil. We'd have... by Patton Oswalt

We would not be here if humanity were inherently evil. We'd have eaten ourselves alive long ago.

long-ago humanity evil

Cheap liquor is a magic potion that can turn you into a puppet co... by Patton Oswalt

Cheap liquor is a magic potion that can turn you into a puppet cowboy before it kills you.

cowboy puppets magic

You can be an amateur and have a passion for something, but it takes a long time to actually become a professional, meaning that you can handle any situation.

situation passion long

We need conservatives that can accept gays, and then we need hipp... by Patton Oswalt

We need conservatives that can accept gays, and then we need hippies that can shave and bathe.

gay hippie needs

Knowing comedy is knowing human nature. by Patton Oswalt

Knowing comedy is knowing human nature.

comedy human-nature knowing

I have a very tiny house in Burbank. I drive an 8-year-old car. I'm gonna drive it into the ground. I enjoy what I enjoy.

car house years

Having enough money has to go hand in hand with living in a way that you're not being a slave to your possessions.

slave hands way

I'm still very much an atheist, except that I don't necessarily see religion as being a bad thing. So, that's a weird thing that I'm struggling with that seems to be offending both atheists and people that are religious.

atheist religious struggle

There is a part of my generation that is not on social media because they have happy lives and they're not trying to connect with anybody. And there are other people who are on social media because they need to connect.

media happy-life people

The problem is, and I'm just as guilty of this, a lot of people see their follower count increase and mistake that for friendships. It's great to have followers, especially if you want to sell albums, promote shows, or promote your friends, but you still need to get outside and talk to other human beings.

albums mistake people