Patrice O'Neal Professions : Stand-up comedian Born : December 7, 1969 Died : November 29, 2011 Browse All Authors Top 22 quotes by Patrice O'Neal What I'm trying to do is be righteous. And when I say “righteous,” I don't mean God. You know? God- Righteous. I mean just when I wake up, I know I was honest to myself. Patrice O'Neal wake-up trying mean I generally don't like living in a world where being what a man is, is a horrible thing; and no matter what a woman is, is a wonderful thing. Patrice O'Neal matter men world Women don't want to win, they want a winner. Patrice O'Neal winner winning want People have tried to corner the market on being offended, corner the market on language and corner the market on opinion. Should I lose my job 'cause I offended somebody? No, of course not. Your life should never be affected by public opinion. Patrice O'Neal public-opinion jobs people Women expect us to like them, but they don't even like each other Patrice O'Neal People say life ain't fairlife is very fair. People aren't fairpeople are terrible. Patrice O'Neal fairs terrible people Not everybody should be laughing at everything at the same time. That's not even natural. My thing is to feel natural, because I don't want to feel like I could just make people laugh at every single joke, every single time, with the same decibel level. Patrice O'Neal levels laughing people Having women work with men is like having a grizzly bear work with salmon . . . dipped in honey. Patrice O'Neal grizzly-bears honey men I like to be loved or hated - I don't like mediocre. So I'd rather have the entire crowd hate me than to have 90% hate me. Patrice O'Neal crowds mediocre hate Just making the crowd laugh is not really doing things for me anymore. That's just knowing how to kill; I've learned how to kill - but also learned when a crowd's laughter is meaningful. Patrice O'Neal laughter knowing meaningful I don't go to any sexy places to eat where they give you half a lamb chop and one bean. I like going, 'Uhhh, I'm done' when I eat. Patrice O'Neal sexy done giving I am that guy who will say things that people seem to think is a little edgy, a little racy. Patrice O'Neal guy people thinking I'm a big buffet dude, or I'm a big cheap-food-and-order-more-when-I-need-it dude. Patrice O'Neal buffets order needs I'm a decent cook, and I will try to cook anything. My only weakness is that I don't know servings - I only know how to make a lot. Patrice O'Neal decent weakness trying I'm really glad my food comes murdered. Patrice O'Neal glad I wanna say 'China', but I don't really mean 'China.' I just mean the places that Chinese people come from. Patrice O'Neal chinese mean people I'm a slave to the culture, so I see an Audi, a Denali, or an Escalade, my neighbor got the four-door Porsche. I have a really nice truck. But it's a Durango and I like frontin'! I like to ride by and show off. Patrice O'Neal four nice doors I'm a thigh-meat dude. Thigh is just the best meat - I don't get chicken breast. I think it's a publicity stunt that we've convinced people it's delicious. Patrice O'Neal meat people thinking Who has connections to Connecticut? That's where rich people go to live the rest of their life in the woods. Patrice O'Neal connections funny people Ive still got that little freedom part of me that wants to have a car that looks really sexy. Patrice O'Neal sexy car want Similar Authors Brandon T. Jackson stand-up-comedian Amy Schumer stand-up-comedian Bob Newhart stand-up-comedian Al Murray stand-up-comedian Bernie Mac stand-up-comedian Ben Elton stand-up-comedian All Authors
