Quotes by Funny Marriage My girlfriend wants to get married. I tell you - I hope she meets somebody nice. Adam Ferrara funny-marriage girlfriend nice The only marriage I've observed for any length of time is my parents - 35 years. I asked my pop, I go, 'Pop, 35 years - what do you hope for?' He's like, 'I hope you die first.' Adam Ferrara funny-marriage parent years It is best for ordinary men to have only one wife ! Akbar funny-marriage wife men An open marriage is nature's way of telling you that you need a divorce. Ann Landers funny-marriage divorce needs I always said if I ever get married, I would tell my woman - I love Michael Jordan, I am a Michael Jordan fanatic - I said, 'Michael Jordan is the only athlete you can sleep with and I wouldn't get mad, as long as you got something signed. You gotta bring back a ball, a hat or something. You can't just give away that sh*t for free.' Aries Spears funny-marriage athlete sleep Marriage is like retiring as a bachelor and getting a sexual pension. You don't have to work for the sex any more, but you only get 65% as much. Aristotle bachelors funny-marriage sex You have no idea of the women I didn't marry. Artie Shaw no-idea funny-marriage ideas One's fantasy goes for a walk and returns with a bride. Bernard Malamud funny-marriage fantasy return An affair now and then is good for a marriage. It adds spice, stops it from getting boring... I ought to know. Bette Davis spices funny-marriage add Brought up to respect the conventions, love had to end in marriage. I'm afraid it did. Bette Davis funny-marriage respect ends Bigamy is the only crime where two rites make a wrong. Bob Hope funny-marriage comedy two Zsa Zsa Gabor got married as a one-off, and it was so successful she turned it into a series. Bob Hope funny-marriage married successful Marriage is an investment which pays dividends if you pay interest. Bob Monkhouse investment funny-marriage pay I'd never be unfaithful to my wife for the reason that I love my house very much. Bob Monkhouse funny-marriage wife house If you want your wife to listen to you, talk to another woman. Bob Phillips funny-marriage wife want I think weddings are sadder than funerals, because they remind you of your own wedding. You can't be reminded of your own funeral because it hasn't happened. But weddings always make me cry. Brendan Behan funny-marriage funeral thinking Equal partnerships are not made in heaven-they are made on earth, one choice at a time, one conversation at a time, one threshold crossing at a time. Bruce C. Hafen funny-marriage choices heaven It is now well known, however, that men enter local politics solely as a result of being unhappily married. C. Northcote Parkinson funny-marriage married men Sex when you're married is like going to the 7-Eleven: There's not much variety, but at three in the morning, it's always there. Carol Leifer funny-marriage morning sex She had been married so often she bought a drip-dry wedding dress. Chic Murray funny-marriage dry dresses 1234»