I talk a lot about women in my act, 'cause let's face it -- if I was hungry, I would talk about food. Adam Ferrara More Quotes by Adam Ferrara More Quotes From Adam Ferrara As soon as you lay down, that's when the most bizarre things start coming out of her mouth. 'Goodnight, baby.' 'Do you think we were together in a past life?' 'Yeah, and I died of sleep deprivation. Go to bed.' 'Don't you feel like we're soul...' Adam Ferrara humor baby funny What if God's a woman? Not only am I going to hell, I'll never know why! Adam Ferrara what-if humor funny There were many reasons we broke up. There was a religious difference: I'm a Catholic, and she's the devil. Adam Ferrara humor religious funny My girlfriend wants to get married. I tell you - I hope she meets somebody nice. Adam Ferrara funny-marriage girlfriend nice My father tried to give me the sex talk once, and he chickened out. He walked into my room and went, 'Adam - uh, don't kiss guys.' Adam Ferrara funny father sex Whenever she uses the phrase 'I was thinking...,' that means I either have to move, paint or buy something. Adam Ferrara humor funny moving I sincerely want to meet the girl that was meant for me, but I want to sleep with the girls that weren't. Adam Ferrara girl humor funny The biggest thing in my life right now is my girlfriend. I love this girl. I know I love her because she told me. Adam Ferrara girl humor funny Being in a relationship is like being in A.A. My friends ask me, 'How's it going with that girl?' 'One day at a time, man.' Adam Ferrara girl humor funny I don't think I'll ever meet the perfect woman. I might have to get me one of them mail order women. You can do that: you send away to the Philippines, and they send you a wife. The only thing is, once you're on their mailing list, they keep sending you a relative a month whether you want it or not. Adam Ferrara humor funny thinking If you look at a group of people that had faith, it's got to be the Jews. They followed Moses through the desert for 40 years with no map. There had to be one guy in the back, like, 'I don't think he knows where he's going.' Adam Ferrara humor funny thinking I am a Catholic. Basically, the Catholic religion is 'If it feels good - stop.' Adam Ferrara catholic-religion humor funny You gotta fight. You gotta get out the negative energy. Don't let it build up. You end up screaming at each other over something totally stupid, like, 'Well, why'd you put this spoon in this drawer then?' 'Just to p-s you off, that's why! I got spoons hidden all over this house! Keep it up, and your napkin rings are gonna start disappearing.' Adam Ferrara humor stupid funny I got into cars through my father. He used to work on cars. My job was to hold the light, which pretty much was the limit of my mechanical abilities. Adam Ferrara light jobs father I love my girlfriend, don't get me wrong. I truly love this woman, but I have the ability to have sex without any emotional involvement. It's a gift. Adam Ferrara girlfriend funny sex Sex is important to guys. We need stories to tell our friends. Adam Ferrara humor funny sex The girls are beautiful in Hollywood - and enough silicon to caulk a sink. Adam Ferrara girl beautiful funny Men tend to lie when it comes to sexual conquests. You should hear some of the ego-driven lies my friends have told me: 'Swear to God, man - the hooker gave the money back.' Adam Ferrara humor funny lying Ladies, your happiness is very important to us. You have to understand that. Because when you're happy, you let us touch you. Adam Ferrara humor important funny The human body is in constant change the minute we're born. It's in a constant state of decay. We're all like Ford Escorts, just falling apart. Adam Ferrara humor funny fall
