I've played with some very famous bandits in my time on the celebrity golf circuit. Jasper Carrott More Quotes by Jasper Carrott More Quotes From Jasper Carrott Laughter is the best medicine - unless you're diabetic, then insulin comes pretty high on the list. Jasper Carrott medicine laughter happiness Ringo isn't the best drummer in the world. He isn't even the best drummer in the Beatles Jasper Carrott ringo drummer world They put up this bloke's picture on Crimewatch UK with a phone number and said 'Have you seen this man?' Well my auntie rang them up and said 'No'. Jasper Carrott phones numbers men I am amazed at radio DJ's today. I am firmly convinced that AM on my radio stands for Absolute Moron. I will not begin to tell you what FM stands for. Jasper Carrott radio music media I am cursed with a right leg that arouses the desire of any male dog that happens to be passing. I used to think that this only happened to me but I've discovered that many people have the same problem. They have a femme fatale limb. Jasper Carrott dog funny thinking There is no way in my right mind I would contemplate running 26 miles-plus unless it involved a chase with Pamela Anderson. Jasper Carrott mind running way Having signed a few autographs in my time, I always wonder what the heck people do with them. Jasper Carrott signing-autographs wonder people I have that working class fear of having nothing. I've always got one eye on what's in the bank. Jasper Carrott working-class eye class I have to confess here that I am a useless cook. Jasper Carrott cooks useless I have a very happy marriage and friends who keep my feet on the ground. But looking for satisfaction in life is difficult. Maybe being happy is as simple as not being unhappy. Jasper Carrott satisfaction-in-life simple feet Happiness to me is simply not being unhappy. Jasper Carrott being-unhappy unhappy I've always been sensible with my money. I can't say I'm a business genius. Jasper Carrott i-can genius sensible I used to be a columnist for 'Golf Monthly' and have contributed articles for national newspapers based on the humour that is in abundance in the game, which is more than can be said of tennis. Jasper Carrott more game said golf When I hit the scene, there was Billy Connolly and Max Boyce. It was all mother-in-law and Irish jokes, and we broke the mould. Now there are thousands of comedians out there, and I don't think I can be above it all. Jasper Carrott mother-in-law think jokes i-can I was never the class clown, and I've no idea where the comedy came from. Jasper Carrott never clown comedy class I want to do things I enjoy, and show business comes fifth or sixth down the line. Jasper Carrott down enjoy business want The impact of T.V. on our lives in general gets most things out of proportion. Jasper Carrott general out things impact The whole debate on what food is best for us is complex, ongoing and often controlled by vested interests. Jasper Carrott us best debate food I just felt that 'Golden Balls' was the right thing to do. I didn't care if people thought I was a failure. Jasper Carrott thought failure care people I have been known to play a few rounds in my time. I'm not obsessive; I don't play in the dark, but even that's not out of the question because Stevie Wonder is also a golfer. Jasper Carrott dark wonder play time
