I went on a diet, swore off drinking and heavy eating, and in fourteen days I had lost exactly two weeks. Joe E. Lewis More Quotes by Joe E. Lewis More Quotes From Joe E. Lewis I don’t drink anymore - just the same amount. Joe E. Lewis amount drink I told my doctor I get very tired when I go on a diet, so he gave me pep pills. Know what happened? I ate faster. Joe E. Lewis pills doctors tired I distrust camels, and anyone else who can go a week without a drink. Joe E. Lewis drinking beer funny You are only young once, and if you work it right, once is enough. Joe E. Lewis living-once you-only-live-once life They had me on the operating table all day. They looked into my stomach, my gall bladder, they examined everything inside of me. Know what they decided? I need glasses. Joe E. Lewis medicine glasses needs I don't like money actually, but it quiets the nerves. Joe E. Lewis nerves money funny Show me a man with both feet on the ground and I'll show you a man who can't get his pants on. Joe E. Lewis gnarly maturity men You can lead a horse to water, but if you can get him to roll over and float on his back, then you got something! Joe E. Lewis floats horse water It pays to get drunk with the best people. Joe E. Lewis drunk alcohol people I don't drink any more than the man next to me, and the man next to me is Dean Martin. Joe E. Lewis next alcohol men Whenever someone asks me if I want water with my scotch, I say, I'm thirsty, not dirty. Joe E. Lewis drinking food dirty There's only one thing money won't buy, and that is poverty. Joe E. Lewis one-thing poverty money I play in the low 80s. If it's any hotter than that, I won't play. Joe E. Lewis play golf funny A man is never drunk if he can lay on the floor without holding on. Joe E. Lewis drunk alcohol men It doesn't matter whether you are rich or poor - as long as you've got money. Joe E. Lewis rich-or-poor money funny I'm still chasing girls. I don't remember what for, but I'm still chasing them. Joe E. Lewis chasing girl remember If you drink like a fish, don't drive: swim. Joe E. Lewis sarcastic beer funny I drink to forget I drink. Joe E. Lewis ironic alcohol drinking Rooting for the Yankees is like rooting for U.S. Steel. Joe E. Lewis yankees steel baseball I would take a bomb, but I can't stand the noise. Joe E. Lewis bombs alcohol noise
