The reason gas prices are so high is because the oil is in Texas and Oklahoma and all the dipsticks are in Washington. Yakov Smirnoff More Quotes by Yakov Smirnoff More Quotes From Yakov Smirnoff I believe that laughter is a language of God and that we can all live happily ever laughter. Yakov Smirnoff laughter happiness believe In every country, they make fun of city. In U.S. you make fun of Cleveland. In Russia, we make fun of Cleveland. Yakov Smirnoff russia fun country In Russia we only had two TV channels. Channel One was propaganda. Channel Two consisted of a KGB officer telling you: Turn back at once to Channel One. Yakov Smirnoff russia funny two In America, you break law. In Soviet Russia, law breaks you! In America, you watch Big Brother. In Soviet Russia, Big Brother watch you! Yakov Smirnoff russia brother law Everybody laughs the same in every language because laughter is a universal connection. Yakov Smirnoff laughter happiness funny In America, you can always find a party. In Soviet Russia, The Party can always find you! Yakov Smirnoff russia party funny Many people are surprised to hear that we have comedians in Russia, but they are there. They are dead, but they are there. Yakov Smirnoff russia humorous funny I like American women. They do things sexually Russian girls never dream of doing - like showering. Yakov Smirnoff comedy girl dream I found out that when you get married the man becomes the head of the house. And the woman becomes the neck, and she turns the head any way she wants to. Yakov Smirnoff house want men Men and women are immigrants in each other's worlds. Yakov Smirnoff men-and-women men world In America, you assassinate president. In Soviet Russia, president assassinate you! Yakov Smirnoff russia president america The ad in the paper said 'Big Sale. Last Week.' Why advertise? I already missed it. They're just rubbing it in. Yakov Smirnoff lasts paper funny I believe there is a direct correlation between love and laughter. Yakov Smirnoff laughter happiness believe Homosexuality in Russia is a crime and the punishment is seven years in prison, locked up with the other men. There is a three year waiting list. Yakov Smirnoff gay men funny I believe that love and laughter can only happen when one person takes the time to think about what would cause the other person to feel good. Yakov Smirnoff laughter happiness believe In America, your job determines your marks. In Soviet Russia, Marx determine your job! Yakov Smirnoff russia jobs america Russian men have a saying: "Women are like buses..." That's it. Yakov Smirnoff bus men Never having alone time is real tough on people. Yakov Smirnoff tough real people We have been learning since we were children how to make money, buy things, build things. The whole education system is set up to teach us how to think, not to feel. Yakov Smirnoff education children thinking In today's society we sometimes forget to balance our hearts and our heads; this is the reason we stop laughing. Yakov Smirnoff balance heart laughing
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